I won the Grand Prize

After a humiliating but very fun newbie intitiation (dancing infront of the GM, the owners of the hotel and everyone else), we finally were able to relax and enjoy the party. Free flowing beer, some tequila and various wines were staring me and my tablemates straight in the face. So naturally, we consumed it. Haha. I'm glad the the dancing part is done. Why? The theme was BAGETS. Growing Up by Gary V. Then Take On Me by AHA. Then Rico Mambo. And last but not the least, Careless Whisper. Those were the songs we danced to. Now, everybody knows the newbies. Haha. Fame is good, but when Ate Guard tells you "Uy, ang galing galing mo gumiling ha! Tapos may mga kasayaw pa kayong mga lalaki!", you know that's not the kind of thing you really want to be known for. Haha!

Although I didn't win the best dancer award (criteria: the sluttier the better!), I won in the raffle draw! I won a... STAND FAN! Weee! At least I won something! Oh, and my crush from the Hotel asked me to dance with him. And we did dance through 3 consecutive slow songs. Before, during and after the whole slow dance thing (dance nanaman!), there were quite a number of people staring. Aside from the fact that I was one of the newbies who danced, the guy I was dancing with was one of the most crushable guys in the hotel, if not, the only one. Hahaha! Apparently, a lot of people were counting how many slow songs we'd dance through

So... who's next?

Yesterday, together with my family, I attended my cousin Paolo's wedding. He married Anna (who is now our cousin-in-law), his bestfriend from Ateneo Law School. He's actually the first one in my mother's side to get married, and well, it was a wonderful thing for all of us. Now the next question would be... who's next? Haha. I guess that is one question that is perpetually wedding staple. So we started pointing to one another and laughing. And then the question came, are Kaye ad Cris getting married? I smiled. I don't normally tell people my sister's engaged (like a privacy policy hahaha), but they were my cousins, so I did tell them that Kaye and Cris were engaged since june. They were like, are you joking me? I said no. They are. But of course, Cris is in the states pursuing his MBA, and Kaye is here. So maybe next year? Or when Cris finishes. Back to Paolo and Anna, they had their reception at Mango Farm in Antipolo, and it was a very beautiful place. Of course, there were a lot of well placed mango trees, and they were draped with lights and it just made the whole ambiance of the place romantic.

Ironically, I found myself, extremely happy about the marriage of my cousin, and at the same time a bit confused about my own lovelife, so to speak. I wasn't feeling it anymore. Either that or am being a drama queen again. Haha. I'm not really used to being extremely patient regarding certain things, but this one, the more I am becoming patient, the more I am losing whatever is in me. It's unlike me. It feels a bit weird. Anyhoot, we'll just how this part of the story goes.

And another bit, after watching the golden compass with him and getting something to eat (again!), and while waiting to get home, I actually mentioned that it was going to be the start of simbang gabi tomorrow to him. I don't think I saw or heard any meaningful reaction from him. Ohhhkay. Gawd, unromantic. Doogsh. But anyhoot, ditch that idea I guess. Wait, am guessing that is what is triggering this. Possibly. But for the mean time, I think I'd just want to let things be for now.

Montecristo

I think, if you're a drinker, you're bound to gravitate (even if you don't know it) to other drinkers. It's amazing really, what alcohol does to people. First, the interest in drinking sparks instant bonding. Then when drinkydrinky time comes, I mean, beer to me is almost like coffee, you can talk about your whole life, your past, your present, shitty times, interesting moments, while drinking it. (But of course, coffee is coffee... and I still love my coffee)

Last night, Andrea and I drank at Don at Tebans, my favorite drinking place (location, location, location!). Andrea's from the front office, and the only reason I got to drink with her one on one was because Genee apparently couldn't make it yesterday, since it was of course a spur of the moment thing. What can I say, drinking knows no time and date. It just happens. Like spontaneous combustion. Haha. So, we bonded, we talked about ourselves, and I guess it's always a lot of fun when you get to know somebody new. The night proved to be an interesting one, as I was just doing away with my beers, quicker than usual, in fact, I was about 1 or 2 beers ahead of Andrea. Weeee. Jedhonx joined us for dinner, couldn't drink beer because he was sick, so he stuck to dinner instead. Oh, and iced tea. Hehe. I had been eyeing that montecristo sandwhich for awhile and finally decided to order it. Visually, on the menu, it looked great. And infront of us, it was mighty fine! Haha. We thought the sauce that accompanied it was catsup, but no! It was something sweet... and when I dipped my french fry in it, I was like, bleh. Andrea said it was strawberry jam. And it was. I just realized that the strawberry jam and montecristo sandwhich complement one another, the french fries though will still be better off paired with catsup. Hehe.

Even after we exited Don and Teban's, our conversation continued until Andrea got a ride home, haha. I think I shall drink with her again! Hehe. She has so many stories, and it's pretty interesting. We didn't like go like, so, what's your fave color? How many siblings do you have? What do your parents do? We just exchanged stories and we picked up bits and pieces about one another, which was so much easier and less awkward actually. =)

Now, I am craving a montecristo with strawberry jam, and of course, a bottle of beer.

Frosh day high!

I have to say, my La Salle days were fun. All I remember doing, aside from either cutting class, staring into space during lectures, and drinking right before PE class (haiya!), well, was just... having fun. Having the time of my frosh life. So I learned the DLSU hymn on my first day, yep first day of orientation at the Benilde Auditorium, and then walked through the campus with those upper batch volunteers who guide you by holding up your freakin' section (LR27) sign for the whole world to see. Okay, I get it, Frosh ako. Haha.

So I timed out at 6:15pm on a saturday night (4 hour shift on saturdays, argh!). Waited for a few minutes for Nuel to come pick me up. And voila, I spot his new car. Spiffy new car, pare. Haha. And then I open the door, not really knowing what to expect, but... I see Nuel. Bello. Mr. Lanto. Oh and the latest update, Nuel is now Noel. He was sporting longer hair, and I think he got a bit chubbier, heehee (peace Nuel). Instead of coffee, we were to have dinner at Teriyaki Boy (originally) but decided on UCC upon his recommendation. Even before ordering our food we had already started reminscing about our first year days at DLSU. And now we're like what? 23? It has been so long.

Memories can elicit a lot of emotions when recalled, and thankfully ours was one of happiness. We may have been a crazy bunch (may have been) but who cares? We were all crazy together anyway, and we still are the same kick-ass group, now with grown-up issues such as work, running the family business, getting a promotion, pursuing further studies... however, we just got a lot better, and smarter, and we got a lot more perspective now. How things change. *sigh*

I have yet to meet up and reminsce with the other people from the frosh 'kada, but I think, when we do meet up, it will just as fun as like our frosh days.

Hindy Claro

BER months suck unless you have somebody to keep you warm. Either that or you have a cup of toffee nut latte to keep you warm. So anyway, I have both so am not really ranting about anything. Haha. I committed my second office blooper this morning. I blame it on the fact that I had ZERO caffeine in my system, and it was deng cold in the office. So somebody calls and asks to speak to Liz, naturally I asked who the caller was, I heard Hindy Claro. SO I was like, "Please hold on," then I press on the plunger lightly and say to Liz, "Hindy Claro, from DILG". She was like, "Huh? Are you serious?", I was like , "shet, oo nga noh, was I duped? Haha", so I transferred the call to her and after her conversation with HINDY CLARO, she said, "Kara, Lyn de Claro". Hahaha! As Genee says, "Litse naman."

Anyhoot, for the past few days, my officemates Liz, Genee, and Ms. Jas (the boss) have been taking advantage of the starbucks anniv promo, 2 stickers for your promo card for every drink purchased. Lisette, with my help, already claimed her planner (and I was the official photog for that exciting moment)and Genee has like 5 more stickers to go. Ms. Jas just started last tuesday. So she has 6 stickers so far. When we got back from Starbucks, and we already mixed our coffees to suit our taste, Genee made an observation. She was like, "You know Kara, this is how you drink your coffee." And I was like, huh? Really? Di kaya. And then I took a sip of my coffee and lo and behold, Genee was right. Haha! And then we started observing each other and how we drank our coffee, but naturally it stopped with Lisette because we didn't really want to go up to Ms. Jas and observe her way of drinking coffee up-close. Genee was like, "why do you drink your coffee that way?", I paused for a bit and thought, well, I like the taste of coffee. I like the taste of toffee nut, and I'd just like to see if anything has changed since the last time I tasted it, of course, nothng should, but am just really keen on the way my coffee tastes. Oh, and we decided to go to starbucks at Imperial Palace Suites since I get my coffee from there most of the time, and of course, one of the baristas there knows me. I should ask his name though, kinda seems impolite not to know right? And it's been like three weeks already. Hmm. Who knows, maybe I'll get discounts or something hahaha.

I'm going back to work, that is if I have any left. My hands are already numb from the cold, so I will get back to my toffee nut latte, since the other one isn't here to do the same thing. Hehe.

Starbucks 2008

My monday wasn't so pleasant. I was sick, I was moody, I was... I was just not my usual self. I guess once the magic of the whole fun-filled weekend faded away (read: My parents vacationed in Macau without us kids... hahah), I was doomed. Back to the reality of work life, which I wasn't really up for. Thank gawd I took a half-day to go with the driver to pick my 'rents up at the airport, okay, okay, I'm after the duty-free bit, sorta. So before that, while at work, I convinced Lisette that we shold go to Starbucks because I needed coffee, and she mentioned that she needed to go to Metrobank, which is conveniently located beside starbucks. So, after gloating about the one sticker I needed to get my planner, we finally went to starbucks. Ahh. The taste of toffee nut is just bliss. Plus the fact that I got my planner. Ohoh, and also, I got a machine-generated complimentary drink from Starbucks too! I was sensing that my day was getting better already.

Okay, so this week, I took two half-day leaves... it was a bit of a crappy monday to thursday because I was sick, as in sick. Hmm.. and Jed didn't bring me starbucks. Haha. Kidding.

Fiamma

Hair check. Face check. No one. Ugly. Allowed. Welcome to Fiamma!

Bottom's Up '07 hosted by the UP Travel Society was last saturday. It was a reunion of sorts, reunion with the org, orgmates, ait friends, and of course, the party scene. Free flowing beer and unlimited alcopop's. Ohohoh! And some side drinks (parang side dish!), was that pineapple juice and gin? Haha. Am not entirely sure where they got it (c/o of the alumni of course, alam mo naman sila, pag-inom, very resourceful!). Am really glad that Martha dragged me onto the dance floor, just to get me into the groove. I couldn't stand the sight of countless couples grooving (and I mean GROOVING!) on the dancefloor. But since I was there anyway, instead of looking at other couples, okay go! Martha! Let's dance! They played a mix of girls just wanna have fun and I wanna dance with somebody! And a lot of r and b, hiphop songs which I really couldn't dance to heehee. Drewlie just accompanied us to the dance floor but refused to dance (more beer for you!), I think he tiptoed back to the VIP room upstairs with the other alumni. Retouch, btw, is a bit of beesh in the bathroom, their sink is slanted and I witnessed an alumna's (super upper batch I forgot her name) eyeliner just roll down and then poof! Goner! And I think like opaque glass is in, because apparently martha can see like a blurred version of my dress rom outside the cubicle ahahaha!

Oh, and of course, Karamiaw's great escape! I kinda changed my mind about the body shots. One was because I hadn't drank enough, two was because there were a lot of OFFICIAL photogs... and three... (dotdotdot)

So Martha and I just watched the body shots competition, well, first couple palang, wala na! Winner si mother! Hahahaha! Drew and Jane were the first couple... and when they did what they did, I knew they were going to win! I mean, who can beat a lesbian and a gay guy? I mean really? Hehe. Love you guys!!

Ohoh and oh! I got stuck in the freaking parking lot! Somebody parked at my back, and that place was a tow-away zone. So I was like, I can't fucking get out. That place where that car is parked is tow-away zone. Would you happen to have the number of whoever tows away cars in makati??? After my 15 minute bitch fit, the guy finally appeared. And I was like, your car should be towed for parking there. *rawr* I mean, if I had just gotten out a wee bit earlier, maybe somebody wouldn't have slept on me.. hahaha.

Martha slept over and we called it a night. 3.30am.

Loving Long Weekends (Most of the time)

When you start working, long weekends are very much appreciated. You get to party and drink, bum around for a day catching up on sleep from the drinking spree the night before, do errands and shop, then the last day, family day. I think weekends should be made 4 days a week. Okay fine, 3 days at least. I mean really, 2 days aren't enough. You drink, then the next day just bum, and you practically get nothing much done hahaha.

So lately, given the fact that there is much time to waste, I seem to have a penchant for sudden realizations in the shower. (Is this normal?) It started when I was thinking about my parents 32nd anniv last Oct. 25. I was trying to compute how old they would be when their 50th anniversary comes. So I was like Pop's 58 (Oh gawd! My Pop's is 58!!!!) and then Mom's 57 (Oh gawd! My Mom's 57!!!). So it was then and there I started to panic. A bit. So add 18 years to 58 years, that'd make my Pop 76 years old. (Oh gawd.) So I became more afraid. Being the youngest, I've always been half- dependent on my Parents. And, being the youngest, I am the one most attached to them. So, imagine my horror when I was computing their respective ages by the time their 50th anniv arrives. (Oh gawd.) Time does fly so fast. It's cliche I know but really, 10 years ago I was grade 7. Now, I am freakin' working already. Everything just sorta dawned on me. I started thinking about my life. Maybe I'd quit smoking when I turn 25 years old. I'd turn into a half- vegetarian (can still eat meat once in awhile haha). I'd switch to drinking wine instead of beer. So many things popped into my head. Normally, I wouldn't be afraid of the future. I actually am not. What I'm afraid of is imagining my Parents aging and you know. There. I guess people don't really talk about stuff like that much, but really. Sh!t like that is a bit... oh gawd. Yah. So by the time I got out of the shower, I had freakin' wrinkly granma-ish skin, which made me gasp. Okay Kara, chill pill.

Halloween at Ayala Heights as usual

6 Padre Burgos St. No, hindi namin ihahatid si frankie. Hahaha. This year I had to drive my ass to Ayala Heights, and I so dread the traffic, even if we already had our respective gate passes. Surprisingly this year, it was quick. I don't know what it was (maybe my new haircut? Hmm) but all I said was Buds Patajo, my Dad left the gate pass there. Then the guard just nodded and woooosh, off to their house.

Before I delvge into Halloween celeb details, I will first talk about the pre- halloween details. The day before there were rumors flying around in the office that HR was thinking of making the 31st half-day. Hmm. However, 6pm came (aka freedom) but no official announcement so I decided once and for all, if it is not half-day tom, I'm going out for Sales call. So the following day I did, and just as I was relaxing at my Granma's house at West Ave (taking a sales call break), my boss texts that dismissal today will be at 3pm. Weeee! So I decide to head back to the office earlier than usual, and I asked Liz if she wanted to get a haircut at Bench Fix at ABS-CBN, since it was the nearest salon to us (and I wanted to try it out, if it wasn't good, then I'd just switch back to Azta). When we got there, the next available slot was 6pm! That was too late for me because that would mean I'd be finished at around 7pm-ish, which would make me even late-r for the halloween celeb. Plus, they could only accommodate one at a time. So I was like screw this. Can you please call the Bench fix katip branch and ask if they can accommodate me at 5pm. So, they made the reservation for me, and I had to give Liz my best wishes (for her hair and her sanity) and bounce off to Katip. Time check: 4:45 pm. So, I drove faster than usual, in spite of the usual reminscing driving to UP and passing through the campus again. So anyhoot, I got their in the nick of time, plus there was just one parking space left. I just thanked God and muttered to myself, this is so meant to be. Haha. I got there and the service was prompt. The usual shampooBy the time the stylist was cutting my hair

October Fest at Gilmore

I just knew we had to celebrate october fest. I didn't know where. What time exactly. Or what to drink. All I knew I just wanted to drink and be merry with my friends. Finally, after 2 gruelling hours of waiting for my ride (Morato was freakin' jampacked because of the SMB Octoberfest), I decided to head on to the grocery and buy all the flavors of Alcopop available on the shelf. And when I was paying for 6 bottles of booze, in my oh-so-decent hotel uniform, the guy next in-line kept looking at me, then the booze, then me, then the booze. I'm like thinking "Haven't you ever seen a girl drink before?" Most likely not. Haha.

Jaybs and Drewlie were my companions, we bought like 6 bottles of red horse, the 1 liter ones... then chips... then headed back home to start the drinking. An hour after, Jedhonx arrived. Then Aka. And the pahabols, JP and Simon. We finished all the beer and alcopop that the boys had to buy more booze. Oh well. Haha.

What can I say? The octoberfest my the pool side, with dim lights, and lotsa booze just gave us the right ambiance for initimate conversations, a lot of laughs, special moments and the whatever the hell transpired that evening. Too bad we didn't have like ghost stories though. Haha.

Je t'adore

Smitten with an old song, "Excuse my french". My love affair with the song started after I attended Le Club Francais' Le Code de la Mode (Cultural Night) at the Boiler Room, Marikina, last friday. Pretty good event, they were able to get John Robert Powers' models to sashay down the runaway, plus there was free flowing... was that tanduay rum (Hmm..) mixed with fruit punch complete with the promo girls (I settled for good ol' beer). Anyhoot, they asked me to give a speech at the end of the program... would I refuse a stroke for my ego? Hell no. Haha.

Je t'adore, je t'adore
When you walk
Through the door
Voulez-vous, voulez-vous
I wanna be with you
C'est la vie, c'est la vie
You were made for me

I was thinking, it'd be nice if some guy actually gave the song to me, because it combines the very things I love in a song, the beat, lyrics (esp. since there are french words) and the whole feel of it... it's all good. I know it's mushy, nah, rather, very pop-py, but it is so cute!

So anyway, back to recluse not so giddy mode. The evening before, all of a sudden I was hit by some force that just sucked all the air out of me. I wanted to faint there and then. But no! Kara doesn't go down without a fight. The moment passed, but it did leave me a bit, not myself. It was actually more complex than I thought. I assumed I felt like that because I was going to get sick, when all the while, I was already fine when I went out with my officemates earlier in the evening. Then I figured a part of it. I'm getting the freaking jitters! It only means one thing, I am getting too attached. And for a person who hasn't gotten too attached for a long time (for personal reasons may I add), the blow is a bit hard at first. Which explains what I was feeling that night. I'm scared of passing the point of no return. I want to be un-scared but I can't do it myself. If it were up to me, and if I were the old me, I would have just walked away. But I know I can't. I can't explain it, but I know that I can't walk away from where I am now. It feels wonderful, even if does give me the jitters. Maybe sub-consciously, I am actually unprepared for anything serious. Maybe, I'm lost. Maybe I'm stupid. I have to figure everything out, what I want, how I feel, my future... I'm just not used to having my solar system jumbled up by somebody, unless I let them of course.

It is possible that the "tiredness" makes me feel this way. I want to figure stuff out. But I don't know where the hell to begin. Like I said, my solar system is all jumbled up. The sun is no longer in the center of Kara's solar system.

Granpapi's 91st beeday

Granpapi's beeday celeb at west ave... I think he had like 5 cakes and 2 bottles of red wine all to himself, care of me and Karlo (demmit! we both gave red wine, BUT, mine was barking lizard, a shiraz red wine, you can't find that anywhere else unless you go to the direct distributor haha!). Lotsa food as usual. Instead of wearing the traditional red shirt, he was sporting a cute shade of yellow on him, spiffy for a 91 year old if you ask me.

Spent the day pondering about age. My cousin Migs is now 1st year high at AHS and is turning 14 tom, it was upon that fact Kaye, my big sis, realized that BAM! She's old already! Hahaha. I was like, oh crap. That makes me old too. No more summers spent immersed in water fights, sleepovers at Panx's house, Manong Tok's ghost stories... they have all been replaced by our Nasugbu, Batangas trip just before school starts (their school starts for that matter...), which is very much an "older" persons thing.

Year after year people get older... but do they get closer to achieving whatever they set out to do? At 23 I can't help but think about my future, what I would like to achieve, places I want to explore... it's a natural thirst for life, so many things, so little time... 23 years is 23 years on this earth evolving into a somebody. Life cycles are crazy really. It limits and pressures you to do stuff since whatever happens, it's bound to happen, there's no stopping it, but then, if only the elixir of life were real, or maybe the fountain of youth, time wouldn't really matter much. There's the mid-life crisis, menopause, old age... that cycle is a natural progression that limits time you spend in a particular phase of your life.

It's so easy to age, sometimes you won't even feel it... but when you see the changes around you, your younger cousins are in high school already, somebody's getting married, landscapes changing... you're bound to notice how you've aged. But then life goes on, the natural cycle continues, and we just get older every year.

No coffee.

Spent most part of the day out of the office. Met up at the Block for lunch before visiting our clients aka sales call-ing. Hehe. Had lunch at Wham burger then settled for coffee at Gonuts Donuts. Kinda sucks when your spending capacity is increased, haha. When we got back to the office, Ms. Jas, our boss, said "Ang lakas ng pang-amoy niyo ha". Apparently, Ma'am Wineth, the Executive Housekeeper, was throwing a merienda beeday bash at the sports bar. Wee! More food! What was good about it, the tv there was so big, and it was an admu-dlsu game being aired. I think it was a replay though. So more food, plus FIC pistachio ice cream... I mean, wouldn't that make anybody's bad day, not so bad? So we were happy and well-fed... did a bit of work before ditching the office, but then... Genee had to joke Mr. Mohnani about giving us some Friday's chicken fingers... no--ooo... I mean... yessss. We happened to pass by Mr. Mohnani who was seated outside the sales office, apparently, he was ordering some food from Friday's. Genee joked about the cajun chicken fingers. He said sure, and we tried so much to politely decline but he wouldn't have it. I guess he was feeling a bit generous today, so good for us. He had actually already ordered the chicken fingers to be brought up to our office even before we accepted his kind gesture. We had to walk back towards our office, and then Mr. Mohnani said that he was rewarding such hard-working and ever-reliable account execs... the praise for our effort was such a nice thing to hear. We said thank you and I pretended to be so touched as to fake a sob, then the learned jokes started coming in and instead, we all just started to laugh. I was the account exec who handled Mr. Mohnani's event at the hotel, which is why he ended up calling me the learned one, he apparently found out that I graduated cum laude. Hehe. Well, what a fruitful day. But I stand corrected by Liz, it was a "food-full" day.

The office has been a tad bit suffocating lately, since our coffee privileges have been taken away (coffee is a privilege, who knew?). Damn Cap'n waiter, jealous of everything everybody else has. Grr. So bye bye hawaiian coffee. Lisette and I have been greatly affected by the lack of coffee in our systems, we've started withdrawal syndrome already, headaches, grumpiness, slight fever... it's really crappy. It started yesterday really, it was such a freakin' crappy day that we couldn't stand being at the office. So what we did to "escape" was we had lunch out and then we visited clients in the area, oh, and then we had coffee at Baang. I have to say the chicken at tropical hot is the bomb. As in. But their coffee.. taste like crappo. After we finished our lunch, ranting sesh began, with of course comments from the GM that our department is spoiled (hope they're not refering to me alone haha). Plus the envious Cap'n waiter (who is chakaaaaa!!!!). And the fact that we are no longer allowed to eat in the office... but then we can't help it sometimes... grr. Thank gawd for the coffee break at baang which momentarily relieved my stress (and lisette's too). The Iced coffee raspberry is a must for coffee drinkers who don't like their coffee concoctions too sweet that you can't taste the freakin' coffee anymore. Yum.

What struck me the most about our conversation wasn't the ranting, it was actually, when Genee and I got up to smoke outside, Lisette laughed and said that if she and genee combined "bisyos", equals me!!! Weeee! I went like, omigawd! Dami ko palang bisyo. Haha. I thought about it a bit, then came to a conclusion... if I quit all my bisyos, mah gawd, I'd have a lot more moolah. But then, it was quickly countered by the other part of me which said... hell no. So here I am, same old, same old.

I want a Teddy BER

Eversince septemBER started, it became more difficult for me to get-up in the morning. The mornings are much cooler, but dang, the afternoons are hot, then at night, it rains, kaya pala ako nahirapan bumangon--- may sakit na siguro ako, haha.

Office hours are getting bit duller nowadays, unless of course we do our sales call or client visits, as a group, atleast we get to hang-around places. Like yesterday, we hung-out at Greenhills, oooh, and ate Krispy Kreme donuts. I think I almost died of sugar shock. The donut was excellente, but my gawd, Lisette could've sworn I was getting the chills. Haha. So sweet man.

Back to the Ber months, I wonder if people start to notice their singlehoodedness during the start of the ber months... haha, it's like how many days to christmas?? The thoughts of kissing under the mistletoe floats around the minds of those who are single... that maybe this year, is THE year. Haha.

It's all chillax in the office, since the boss isn't here and it's freakin' 16 degrees most of the time. A cup of hot coco and a good book, you're good to go... might sneak in a little nap later if indeed the boss doesn't arrive. (After 3 minutes!)

My boss is here, I gotta go. Ciao!

TS Day

After Karmella's formals, everybody headed to their espective inumans. Geleen made libre at Drew's, but apparently, the young ones were out by 9pm so we decided to just stay put at our old haunt, brothers. Anyhoot, the formals went well... after the formals was even better. Old boss and fave prof Tony, Lestowpestow, me and Drewlie met up at Brothers, which remarkably, is still open. Thank God! I love their mojos! As in love. Looooove! It was amazing, we had the same table, same people, old memories infused with fresher ones, I was pretty happy everybody was okay. Tony mentioned that the last person he drank with one on one was with JC!! Mr. Mozo!! Where's my mozow? Hehe. We were surprised at that, and more surprisingly, I thought I was the only one 
who had cut back on drinking. Apparently, everybody did, including bossing Tony.

Jedhonx followed at brothers, glad he found his way there, since it's not exactly a known drinkeedrinkee place unless you're from UP (whoops!) haha. Tony left before
Jed arrived... so we were once again 4!

There we were, drinking and laughing

Half Day

Haven't really been feeling myself lately, so I hope this break from work will do the trick. Got a half-day leave today to attend the TS formals at school. The memories! I'm all excited and can't wait for 1 pm to pack up and head out to the once familiar world of school. Of course I had to think of an excuse to get my ass outta work, so I said I needed to sign some financial documents for my past org, so they can finally get the money that's in the savings account. Which is true. So in essence, I didn't really have to make up an excuse. Here I am, just finished up a business order for an event I'm handling on Saturday... after that, freedom! Just sound tripping, all the good vibes are starting to flow back in, weee!

It has been a tradition for the Travel Society Alumni to grace the school grounds for the formal interview of its applicants. This year, it's going to be a bit different. Due to a frat-related death, tighter regulations have been insured for all formal interviews, hence, we are holding it in front of the college. Crap. So much for bringing booze. Bugger!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for Lestowpestow's reply, we're suppose to go to school together, he'll meet me at work, then off we go.

Aside from signing of financial documents, I have to ultimately say hi to Dean Cora Rodriguez, since I didn't see her last time I went to AIT. Of course, I won't miss saying hi to Tony, my fave prof! Hehe.

Cuatro. Pier 1. Good weekend.

A good weekend spent. I seriously don't know how Jed does it, but I think he can read minds or something because he certainly can read mine for that matter. I was thinking of drinking, nobody particular in mind, maybe neighbors, maybe UP friends, maybe kasins, and then, somebody read my mind. Somebody sensed I wanted to drink! Voila, Jed texts! Impeccable timing. Anyhoot, we ended up at Cuatro, with a lot of stories to tell, from the weeks gone by, pretty interesting if you ask me, haha. Redhorse was our choice of drink for the night, although the alcopop looked interesting, it looked so artificial. Drewlie follows to Cuatro, and so does Roj. So now we're four. Even invited Marko, my cousin, but alas, he couldn't make it. So when we were finally four, the conversation started to become even more interesting. From Drew's definitions of the types of homosexuals, to poppers, to Jed's love problem, Roj's job hunting. I think Drewlie doesn't believe Roj when he says he doesn't know what poppers are. The way Drew describes it, it has a very interesting effect. Hmm. I think we ended about maybe 3am or 4am... I totally lost track of time, Redhorse had done it's job perfectly. Had to sober up a bit, since I had to drive home, and drop jed off also. I though I was flying home, I think Jed was half-scared for his life haha, I mean, a half-drunk woman driving him home. I was smart enough to set my alarm even before the redhorse kicked in, so I still woke up on time for work, not, however, without a nasty hangover. I couldn't stand it so I popped a biogesic and drank some gatorade... and naturally, I was able to sneak some sleep during work, since it was a saturday and there weren't a lot of inquiries.

After getting rid of my hangover, I decided to go to Bribear's bday/despedida party at around 10pm, and I tagged Ryan along since he came from the Katips area. I didn't know a lot of Bri's friends so I think I wouldn't have attended the party by myself, hehe. It was so freakin' traffic at the ortigas-edsa intersection, grr... stoopit buses blocking the roads! I think it took us one hour to get to Pier 1 -Ortigas, well, we brought Nico home na rin anyway. If it weren't for Nico's funny comments, staying stuck in traffic would be quite an ordeal. Got to the party, I was right, I didn't know anybody but Bri. Talked a bit with Bri, reminded him of my pasalubongs, joking him about harakiri, and why the hell did he want to study again, knowing he wasn't particularly the type of person to do so in the first place. Haha. I think I just downed 4 beers, after that, steady. Ryan, 1 beer. Weee! Haha. He was never a big drinker, but I was still trying to make B.I. him nonetheless. Got home in one piece, but I think Ry was just as scared as Jed the night before, about my driving because he wasn't only in seatbelt, he was holding on to the handle-like thing just above the passenger side window. Extra safety measures.

Twas another good weekend. Weeee!

An epiphany

I don't know what hit me upon waking up this morning. All of a sudden I had the urge to clean up my room, change my bedsheets, fix my clothes, get rid of the dusty curtains... I didn't know what I was feeling. (But I knew for sure that I was thirsty and that I was analyzing some stuff from the previous 2 nights.) So, I just kept tidying up, trying to brush away particular thoughts about a certain somebody.

All of a sudden, I wanted to be a new person, I wanted to change something, something in me. It's like I had an epiphany of some sort. I realized that I wanted to change. Somewhat. I wanted to open myself up again, to feeling, of which most of the time I end up denying, and eventually losing. But I don't know if I'm up for it, as in really up for it. For the first time in a lot of months, I think I'm starting to get the jitters. Well, that's what you get when you try something out of curiosity, thinking that it wouldn't matter anyway, and then it freakin' backfires. I'm not saying it's a bad kinda backfire thing. I tried to pass something out as a casual comment, then the reply I got shockingly made sense. And then, as much as I remain an unassuming person most of the time, it's pretty challenging to remain like that when all the facts are laid out infront of you, right? Haha. All of a sudden I was transported to that day I realized that I think I liked a certain somebody. We were drinking beer, consoling a friend, offering advice--- then it hit me, we agreed on everything. He understood my points, I understood his. We wanted the same things, we believed in the same things. Now that made me think a bit. And then poof!

So this morning, I finally gained my thinking back, since I woke-up with no hang-over, and I think my alcohol level went back to normal. I wonder if it's a good thing though hehe. So am thinking, I want to somehow change my ways, and how I maintain my relationships with guys as purely platonic, most of the time for that matter, part of the reason for my jitters was because this person in my mind, is a pretty good person, and decent person one too, plus he gets along with everybody, one on one inumans never turn out to be boring, and he has a way with words, the kicker is we get each others humor and it's not difficult to turn into my other beesh persona with him. Plus, Drew, in fairness to him, has seen my share of boylets, and only one has ever really made an effort to strike up an interesting conversation with him, hence getting the okay sign from Drewlie.

Anyway, enough for one day. Time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

B!tch Boredom

I do not get why some girls out there use the word bitch to pertain to themselves, without having the necessary attitude to be called one. Do they think it's hot? I mean, if you are a bitch, make sure that you act like one and not use the term just so you can be "hot"/"in"/"cool". And, it has to be bestowed upon you by people who think you are one. It is not a self-proclaimed title. It is earned.

Case and point: A person who I knew from college keeps referring to herself as a bitch, I choose not to include exact phrases here because that person might see it. In college, we started being beeshes because we were. This girl was a sweetie type, ribbons on her head, always girly... And now, when we left, there was a freakin' new breed left a the tambayan. She's a bitch-wannabe. I mean, appearance alone won't merit the title. Let alone her facial expressions. Even in the way she talks, man, not even an ounce a bitch.

Okay, I admit I'm bored. I miss my beesh. I miss bitchin' with her, bitchin' about girls like her, who are bitch-wannabes.

This it it!!!(?)

Is it really official? I am actually graduating? I can't believe how 5 years can go by so fast... (1 year in dlsu and 4 years in UP) surreal... so surreal. Like I'm not going to be worrying about enroling and getting the subjects I need for the following sem, thesis, group work, case studies, org stuff, my gawd. This is it. It's official as Jaybee would say. And this time, it really is.

Fast forward... April 19--- college graduation... everyone of course broke the dress code heehee. But I have to say, everybody looked fab. Another grad this sunday, the univ grad... I think we get medals now.

I can't sleep. I wish I could but I don't feel sleepy at all.

My short break from reality

At 2pm today, I knew I needed to get out. I needed some stress release. I needed some time away from home and school. I invited my friend Roj to watch a movie with me, since he watched 300 already, I couldn't drag him to see it again... so we watched "The Pathfinder". It's a good movie, but gory. Think: Vikings. Ruthless killer. Savages. But anyhoot, I thought I was going to be relaxed but the fight scenes were a bit bothersome at times and there were a lot of twist and turns... I swear, I kept putting my hands to my mouth to keep from gasping. Roj on the other made funny comments, kept me entertained as well and did his signature german/british and arnold voice... hilarious!

Well, it was a change of scenery and all, which was refreshing. I just needed that. Plus, I enjoyed. The company, the viking movie... and a fastfood dinner at Mcdo... (sorry to roj, he was hinting he wanted hot shots)I said a place that serves dessert. As stress prevents me from eating cos I feel weird, like I wanna throw up. It's the feeling of uneasiness combined with pressure and stress... so I just eat light and go for dessert.

I'm starting to feel better. It's a nice change. Roj is actually really a monster in disguise, he's not really human... his blood composition is basically 60% alcohol and 40% music. On better days he seems human (if you disregard the wacky, very wacky voices he does) and on days when his alco level is up... that's another story... Heehee.

I like people who can make me laugh or smile. It brings a certain lightness to any crappy day. So find people who can make you laugh, they're assets, believe me.

Zboy and his doggie heaven

Not all blog entries are happy, frustrating, crazy or funny. This one's sad.

Came home from my drinking "stress release" sesh early this morning to find one of my dogs peacefully sleeping. He had been shivering when I last saw him this morning... Mom covered him in a blankie. But when I saw him last, he was covered in his blankie... he slipped quietly away just in a span of 2 hours when nobody was with him. Apparently, I arrived. I saw him. I called out to him, but he didn't move. I went to the dogs den, I petted him, no response. Getting desperate, I gently shook him while saying his name repeatedly... he was stiff. He was cold. I cried... zboy... I kept saying, as if to wake him up. It seemed so surreal. Draco, our other boy dog was sick too apparently, but the girl dogs, Luna and Cassie, they were fine. I knew Zboy was gone, I cried and kissed him goodbye. And I went to my parents room... all I said was "Mom---" then I cried. I couldn't talk. I cried. My Mom embraced me, herself crying. I uttered... Zboy's dead. He's dead. We all went down, and cried. I even woke my sis up to tell her that our beloved Zboy passed away. My other sister arrived at 4.30 am... and upon learning the news when she arrived, she cried too. Zboy was her dog. Zboy was my fave dog from his litter. He was the one I named. He was the one I used to bring up to room to sleep beside me on my bed. I remember, when he'd used to get scared (a lotta times really), he'd hug my leg, standing up, his hind legs supporting him, while his front legs clamped on my leg. Sometimes, when I'd get home "early" in the morning half drunk, or just plain stressed, I'd lie down on the floor and zboy and draco would lie beside me.

I didn't sleep, I watched over Draco with Mom until 8am. I was awake for 24 hours already. I had no appetite, I just wanted to lie down and cry. I kept remembering my beloved Zboy. I haven't smiled today. I feel tired. I feel weak.

Sometimes, there are events that you never expect to happen. The effect is devastating. You just have to deal with it. I have to deal with my grief. All I pray for now is for him to be in doggie heaven, where he will never be scared again.

Ees ofeeshal, aym goween crazee!

If you think thesis draft deadline is bad enough, it being tom. Add an exam, also scheduled for tom. I think I'm losing it. I can barely think, let alone process the data I gathered for my thesis. This is too much. When I think about the week that lies ahead... I don't know how I'll manage. I have 2 exams and our poster presentation/defense. Gawd, taking 21 units this sem is definitely taking its toll on me. I'm thinking of ways on how to relieve stress. I can't cry because no tears flow, I can't scream because I'm not mad or frustrated, I can't sleep because I'm too preoccupied, I can't even eat, because I've lost my appetite. My yin-yang is all jumbled up!

Sometimes, I want to just space out. Get lost in a world of endless dreams. But I know, this too shall pass. This burden, it shall pass. Unfortunately, I gotta pass before it passes. Haha.

I'm really losing it. Maybe I need sleep, I got only 3 hours of sleep last night/morning. It's that bad. Sooner or later I'm just going collapse. I've lost my enthusiasm. It has been replaced by dread. Stress. Fatigue.

Worse part? I'm in it alone. I don't like ranting to other people anymore, because if I did that I'd be ranting my ass off every single day. I just sit here, type away, silent, listening to music... repeating "This too shall pass" in my already burned brain cells. My only solace is when I sleep. Because when I sleep, I do nothing but dream. I don't have to think so hard. I just have to let myself go to sleep then everything just flows from there. Then I wake up, I remember the things I have to do. I have to find some kind of divine intervention to give me back my enthusiasm, now replaced with a perpetual snappy schizo woman.

I'm done with my drama. I'm going back to doing my thesis. I haven't got a choice in this matter really. I do want to graduate. Therefore I have to accomplish my thesis. I sound mechanical don't I?

I look forward to getting some sleep. At least there's no thesis in the land of dreams.

Mock Conversation with LOVE

Am I a hopeless romantic? A romantic yes, but hopeless? I never really search for that elusive thing we call love. Actually, it's not as elusive as people think. It's just there, somewhere, ready to pop out and say surprise with a big fat grin on it's face.

Our conversation would go something like this:

(L for Love and M for Me)

L: Surpriiiiiise!!!! (Grins)
M: Mehn, I thought I escaped you the last time, now you're here again...
L: You're such a hopeless romantic.
M: Not that hopeless, I'm just trying to figure out a plan...
L: There you go with plans again, it doesn't work that way with me, silly
M: You're stike 3 and more with me already, you've got wrong timing
L: You just refuse
M: Refuse, hell yes, you know what happens when I let myself go.
L: I do, and I would love to see that again.
M: You know I can control myself most of the time. I can hold back.
L: ...Then think about it a bazillion times, whether you should have been more honest about what you felt.
M: You know me, and you know me well. If only loving didn't come end with so much pain.
L: Oh don't give me that. You expect it to be that easy? That simple? Loving is loving, pain is an expression of the heart when it loses something so precious that it finds hard to let go.
M: I don't want to have to bother myself with such torment while I'm taking 21 units in school, plus I'm graduating. I'm scared to feel such intense pain, I just might go poof! Then pass out on the floor or something. It's enough stress as it is.
L: It's a choice. I'm just here.
M: I know you are.
L: Always.
M: You know what?
L: I know.
M: How'd you know what I was thinking?
L: I'm love, I may not be a mind- reader, but I can feel your thoughts and emotions.
M: Feel ei?
L: I know you want to fall in-love. You want to give your love to somebody worth it.
M: Exactly.
L: You're aware that when you say somebody worth it, that's by your standards. Even if the person is imperfect, he still can be worth it.
M: Can you love a person you're not supposed to love? (I bring my face closer to love, and I still fail to see love's face... maybe love has no face... no concrete form)
L: That sounds cliche to me. But yes, it's always a choice. And there are corresponding consequences.
M: Crap. I knew it. As always. Karma.
L: Love is a serious matter.
M: (I roll my eyes) I know.
L: That's why you keep postponing it. Somehow, I think you're crazy but atleast you take me seriously.
M: I do. That's why I don't commit when I know I won't be serious.
L: I get you.
M: Alright. I'm getting all emo here. Why don't you lurk around first, I think I'm about to give in to you soon.
L: I'm keeping my hopes up, even if the person you're thinking of isn't the perfect candidate.
M: Don't judge me. You're not supposed to be judgemental LOVE! But for the record, I know. That's why I am thinking about it.
L: I'll be here. Lurking around. Call me if and when you're ready.
M: Yea yea yea... later... maybe later...

-END-

Pre-Hell Week

With thesis deadline looming ahead, I gotta FOCUS! I've been distracted lately. Apparently, I have been PMS-ing a lot. But that's over. I've been feeling much better. My monday was crappy, tuesday well, I attended all my classes, wednesday, did our group paper for our business policy class, thursday skipped my PI 100 class and Friday, narcoleptic during geology... was prepping myself for a stressful weekend yesterday, had a quick beer because I needed to pick my sis up at school. Saturday? Good news, thesis draft is due on the 15th instead of the 12th. Yes.

Actually, underneath it all, I was really miserable to begin with. I pissed off somebody I cared about because I was having a crappy monday. I apologized in the evening. We spoke briefly and he made me realize something, he was right. I hurt him even if he hasn't done anything to hurt me. Plus, I didn't know he was sick... and stressed, and that I was adding to his stress, so I was extra guilty. I guess I'm a bit selfish sometimes. My friend didn't even talk to me until today. I asked him if he was still mad at me, he said he wasn't mad, he was pissed. But after he explained some stuff... I couldn't utter a word, because everything he said was right. I hate it sometimes when I know I'm wrong and the other person is right. But that's life. ADAM B. Anger Denial Acceptance Moving on B!atch!

So there, now I feel a bit better. And I feel a bit silly too. I did that? My gawd! Reality Bites. Poof!

Questions that need answers!

Questions to answer when feeling blue, bored, sleepy, weepy, etc. This is the time to answer truthfully. Because if you don't then there's no purpose answering it.


1. Single or Taken: I think I'm single...

2. Happy about: being alive and blessed with a lot of good things

3. Siblings: 3 (Kaye, Amanda and Karlo)

4. Eye color: black

5. shoe size: 9 (bigfoot)

6. Height: 5'2" (I think so)

7. What are you wearing right now? Shorts and a pink tee.

8. Righty or lefty: Righty. Though I wish could be ambidextrose.

9. Can you make a dollar in change right now: That's like 50 bucks right, yeah, lotsa coins here

10. Best place to go for a date: I like Rockwell, after dinner you can walk around... plus not a lot
of people.

=FAVORITES=

11. Kind of pants: as long as it is stretch and hip hugging

12. Number: 13 (that was my varsity football number)

13. Animals: Dogs and Cats. If you don't like them, don't come to my house.

14. Drink(non alcoholic): Sorry, it's plural for me, decaf/regular iced caramel macchiato non-fat milk, toffee nut latte, signature iced choco with a shot of mint and iced chai tea latte. Yeah baby!

15. Sport to watch: On tv? Gymnastics, ice skating (they both fascinate me!) but usually it's tennis or basketball (UAAP). If live, UAAP basketball

16. Month: I was born August but I'd say December cos it's christmas break, plus you get money too!

17. Juice: Guava juice from starbucks

18. Favorite cartoon character: Asterix (Do people still know him?)

=Have You Ever...=

19. Given anyone a bath: yeah, heehee

20. Made yourself throw-up? yes, when I feel dizzy lying down in bed after a drinking sesh, gotta get it out of my system!

21. Gone skinny dipping? Nope but I'd like too, in some secluded island in Palawan

22. Eaten a dog? Wouldn't dream of it.

23. Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes. We all have those moments.

24. Broken a bone? Nope

25. Played truth or dare? That's passe! "I've never..." is the new drinking game!

26. Been on a plane? Yeah, I was even left by one. Poo!

27. Came close to dying? When I couldn't breathe because of the pain in my chest when my ex and I broke-up. Ooh drama...

28. Been in a sauna? At PCA and at a spa

29. Been in a hotub? Yes, when I want to relax... I get my aromatherapy burning and my strawberry bubble bath and a book

30. Swam in the ocean? You mean like open sea ocean? No. But the sea, yes.

31. Fallen asleep in school? Always. Doesn't matter if I'm in front. I am ruthless. I am narcoleptic when the clock strikes 2:30PM

32. Ran away? Thought of it.

33. Broken someone's heart? Yes.

34. Cried when someone died? Yes. Grandparents, a tito and a cousin. I'm emotional.

35. Cried in school? Yes. A lot of times.

36. Fell off your chair? Nope.

37. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yeah, in my younger days, but I don't remember who I was waiting for.

38.Saved AIM conversations? Nowp... not my thing

39. Made out with JUST a friend? Yes. Nothing really wrong with that. Unless your friend has a girlfriend.

40. Used someone? Nope. But I do get my way.

41. Been cheated on? Yah, my 1st boyfriend, but we were going to break up na rin so it didn't matter. He admitted it to me when he wanted to get back with me, he wanted to be honest.

=What is...=

42. Your good luck charm? My religious gold necklace from Mom

43. New fav. song? Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani feat. Akon

44. What is beside you? My work table with my coffee (in my personalized starbucks tumbler of course!) and my cell phones.

45. Last thing you ate? Chicharon. Yum.

46. What kind of shampoo/conditioner: Head and Shoulders, the pink one. But I alternate shampoos to prevent build-up in my hair. So I have beer shampoo from watsons, coconut shampoo and an organic bar shampoo I bought at Tiendesitas

=Ever Had..=

47. Chicken pox: Yep, when I was a kid

48. Sore Throat: Yeah, even a mild case of tonsilitis.

49. Stitches: Don't think so.

50. Broken nose: Nowp

=Do You...=

51. Believe in love at first sight? I want to but I'm half skeptic about that

52. Long distant relationships? on my part, yes. I'm a very loyal person.

53. Like school? Hell yeah!

54. Question? Yes, when I am all fired up!

55. Who was the last person that called you? My sis Amanda, when we were in the grocery, she
was asking which aisle I was in.

56. Who was the last person you slowdanced with? Roj I think, out of fun

57. Who makes you smile the most? Somebody who says something to make my day

58. Who knows you the best? Martha and Jaybee

59. Do you like filling these out: Yes. Yes. Yes.

60. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: I wear contacts because I lost my nice italian glasses

61. Do you like yourself: Yes.

62. Do you get along with your family? Yep, love them to bits

=Are You...=

63. Obsessive Compulsive? depends what we're talking about here

64. Suicidal? Nope. No reason to be.

65. What did you do yesterday? Paid my globe bill, went to the grocery, and cooked clam chowder!

66. Hated someone in your life? hate is a strong word. Maybe disliked somebody. Yes. Many times.

Thesis Shmesis

I miss my i-pod. All 20 gigs of it. The songs I used to play. Its pink and black tattoo. All my pictures. All gone. That's just one of my drama moments.

Now, on a lazy sunday afternoon, I sit here, thinking of so many things. I can't pinpoint anything in particular. Maybe I am just pms-ing.

Here I am, transcribing my interview with the Boracay Tropics Resort Manager I interviewed when I went to Bora. This is harder than I thought. It's like crunch time already... thesis draft is due soon, and I just started processing my data. Poof!

What escape is there? None. A month to go.

And I'm leaving on a jet plane--- no, wait! I'm not on it!!!

"How am I supposed to go home???" I said to the clerk in the check-in counter. Apparently, I got there 35 minutes before my flight and so they gave up my seat. F*ckers! Partly my fault too. I guess the sunday afternoon flight was in-demand. So there, I was a "no show" passenger.

It's a long story but here's the gist:
I got left behind. Reserved another ticket for Monday morning, I really had to get home on Monday because of a 230pm exam. I stayed for 1 night in Kalibo because that flight I missed was the last cebu pacific flight, 4.30pm. So, I had to look for the nearest hotel, and thank God I found one. Super. I stayed at La Esperanza Hotel, Kalibo. Then, I woke up bright and early and got to the airport even before the ticketing office opened. I couldn't take anymore chances or my Dad would have really gotten upset.

Imagine, after my very happy and jolly entry in my blog, I get left behind. Poof! I tried to stay sane, called my friends, my friends called me... man, it was like some kind of nightmare from hell. Never thought it could happen to me. And it did! I have never felt braver in my life, talking to strangers and all. Thank God everybody was so nice. Totally.

Feels like home!

Outside, the sun shines brightly, the sea is colored shades of blue. I'm here at an internet cafe in Bora... just took a break to check my savings account hehe, you never know when poverty will strike, heehee. Anyway, so far so good. I visited Fairways last night and said hi to those co-workers of mine who were doing the PM shift (FYI, that's 2pm-10pm)... and I saw Roy. He looked the same but better. I tried not to stare, but man, he is HOT! Burning! I was a raving lunatic who couldn't contain herself when I faced my roommates.. MAHGAWD!!!!Then hopped to that mongolian resto in front of the Sun Village. Chilled out for awhile with the boys... the music, the whole chillax vibe is coming back to me. This is it! I'm home!

I was all giddy and googly-eyed when I was on the boat to Cagban, the port of Bora. I couldn't believe it, I was back after almost a year... it feels so good, so right... so wonderful... gawd, if I could be an island girl all over again for two months! I think I've uncovered the mystery of why Jaybe and I didn't get fat in Bora inspite of the lifestyle we had (booze, jonah's shakes, booze, late nights, food, food, booze, fairway's milk, coffee, cheese pancakes, extra food...). For one, we were "working". At least pretending to work uom, 50% of the time, because the other half of the time we'd be at our fave hang-outs, the back of the kitchen and the "ice box" room of thebar and the side of the bar. Second, we walked a lot, partied a lot and other extra curricular activities that'll make you burn those calories. Third, there's no mcdo or jollibee here, you have to travel to the mainland to get those "luxuries". Yah, that's about it.

Anyway, I'm logging out already, my time's almost up. I'm going to go back walking and parading along the beach, oogling eyes following me... thanks to that added sexiness of a fine bead belt which my partner in crime gave me... ahluvyoubeesh!!!

Daydreaming

There is a woman, lying on the fine white sand still. She seems as if she were in some kind of trance. Just like the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, its rhythm slowly enveloping her being. The sand reflects like tiny diamonds on her loose hair, golden strands of her fine hair make her look like a goddess... her skin glistens with droplets of sea water waiting to be brought up into the sky by the sun's rays. Her face is tranquil, her lips are slightly dry from heat and the breeze. Half-buried beside her is an empty bottle of beer.

That will be me in a few days when I make another journey to a place I love, Boracay. My mind is so not immersed in school. In fact, I daydream of the glistening shore, the white sand, skimboarding and the sunset there. I'm trying to study for my business policy class, it's our exam tomorrow. It's a vain attempt really, but I might as well say I tried. I look at the clock, wishing it were friday afternoon already... I'd be boarding my flight, smiling and all giddy with excitement. I'm going back to a place I love... not even a year has passed since I last stepped foot on my beloved island. Can't wait anymore. I can't wait any longer. Paradise shouldn't be made to wait.

Toxicity and KARmA

"There is no medicine for insecurity"...

If there were, I'd go ballistic as I wouldn't have anything or maybe anybody to actually comment about haha... anyhoot, I often say that to my girl-friends whose boyfriends are uber paranoid. I know these girls, and I know their hearts, and a bit of what's in their heads, we think alike, except maybe I'm wilder but other than that, we are on the same plane.

Let's talk about Riz and her boyfriend VJ. I love Riz so much I am accepting VJ, not that it's such a biggie or anything. The guy whines, complains and is petty. Not-so-good. Atleast for me that is. Fine, he has some good traits (I mean no girl would fall naman for a guy who had no good traits whatsoever). But I am just a friend who comprehends, but that doesn't mean I have to like the entire situation right? I am entitled still to my own gawdforsaken opinions. Besides, before I feel that negative vibe, I back it up with proof of course (hell yeah!).

Evidences:
1. He traveled a gazillion miles just to beg Riz back-sweet. But, then drags his sis to our org concert to serve as a buffer zone, so atleast he won't be spurned---so not cool.
2. Visits Riz at her pad before he even goes home- the effort. But, bangs his head on the wall and says I can't live without you with matching tears, that must be the kicker.
3. We have a drinking sesh at Riz's pad, I am of course the 5th wheel... so I chat up the people, swap stories and mention Riz's work friend Mark, we're all cool. But, the boyfriend gets all petty and brings his can of beer out and smokes alone. So I am like, is it me? I'm the only addition to this party! I'm so sorry. (But deep inside, I'm like, screw you man!) So being the nice and concerned friend I go out and smoke a bit and ask the dude if he's alright. Yes, DAW.
4. I see Riz and we re-live the story of that night (FYI, it was her bday!), but I get like bummed out about her boyfriend's reason for whining during the said night, because of MARK! I mean, my gawd! Imah smack the dude!

So if I see him, I will continue to be the good friend I am to Riz, but I don't have to really pay attention to THE boyfriend ;p

My Bff (best friends forever excuse-moi!) is beautiful, simple and a tad bit shy. Can't really gauge things and she isn't exactly the expert on good conversations. So here I am playing Dr. Love (I swear, people should start paying me!). The root of all her "woes" would probably be her insecurity. She had a very very very long hiatus on dating and she's not exactly a person who gets to hang-out with so much testosterone on a daily basis, so here I am, giving her the dibs on everything.

I helped her with her man, Hans. And this Hans is a pretty

smart-macho-inconsistent-egotistic-playing-safe-mature-but-childish-a-bit-horny-am-too-good-for-girls-sort-of-a-player DUDE. Dingdong. It's a bit much for Tin, so we analyze the situation together.

My Tips?

1. Chill. Chill. And Chill. Play it cool, keep it cool.

2. We know he is worth something, but sweetie, you are worth more.

3. We are goddesses, he is a mere mortal. Worship us now.

4. Blow him off--- sometimes. Pooof!

5. Be witty, funny and sassy. Everybody loves to get that good vibe.

6. Sincerely and subtely hint that you do care. Atleast that much he knows.

7. Be positive. So what if he doesn't reply?

8. Love yourself.

9. If he does something way off, punish. Punish. Punish. You get it.

10. Be cautious. Falling in-love is out of this world, but watch the signs closely. We don't want a meteor hitting the earth hard causing devastating effects on mankind, if you know what I mean.

And so far so good. She's now doing great on her own. And I think she's getting there, an arms length to being in control of the situation. Shall I say, the reversal of fortunes (now wasn't that a movie??). She's hotter than ever and ready to burn down the house, hehe. Hail to my BFF!

It's official: You are back on track!

Maybe I should have gotten a degree in Psych. I deal so well with people, and I've always been dubbed the "sage" of the barkada (uom, sorry, I think I'm boasting here, haha), eversince HS. And now I'm in college, people do confide in me. It's a bit draining sometimes, but it's kinda like a noble thing to do. No greater satisfaction fills me when I see a friend I helped, feeling better. Besides, I think it's good karma. I am a believer of Karma. Take away the M and it spells KARA. Oohh, that's me!!! Okay, corny. Heehee. But yeah, I believe in karma. I mean my classic example is.. I don't play around, I don't fool guys, I tell them head-on when I know their chances are nil with me... it's all so tempting to play around but Karma really prevents me from doing so. And of course, the fact is that most guys are my friends so I wouldn't want to really ruin the friendship. (Did that sound just showbizzy??)

I believe in KARMA. What comes around goes around. Who knows, maybe in my next life I'll be...uom... human again I guess... or maybe a demi-goddess... the goddess of love hopefully, that sounds good to me.

Demi-Goddess Karamiaw

(actually, that's just halloween... that's kinda like my trojan goddess get up.)

With all the "karmic" forces in play...

What do you think you'll be in your next life?

That indeed is something to ponder about. Heehee.

Not dazed but confused: It's just me

Here I am, still muthfuckeen lazy. I'm trying not to think so much. But here I am, still hooked up on Michelle Branch's song " Breathe", can't get over it. I'm going through another "Am-I-inlove-phase"? Sometimes, I don't understand myself anymore. I feel as if there's like an unexplainable perpetual raincloud over my head... but here's the catch, it ain't raining, honey. Downright weird. Sometimes I blame it on the weather (btw, it's the perfect excuse to snuggle) and the Valentines air (Lo and behold, it's that time of the year!). But really, it's just me. I'm smitten. And I'm dating. And I'm not smitten with the person am dating but rather somebody who's my friend. Weird? Yah. I hope this'll pass. In the mean time, I want some hot chocklit. And some loving too.

Drunken Lovin

I spent saturday night at home, watching the lifestyle channel (ch.47 on sky, must see for all ye suzy homemakers, divas, fashionistas and whatever the hell you are, I swear I love it!!!) and texting Jaybee, my beloved partner-in-crime... well, you know me, I love my friends and I really want to help out in anyway I can. Jaybs and I were texting, love problems it seems are so in nowadays, is it because Valentines is nearing? Which reminds me... do I even have a date? Or am I stag this year? Okay, no more of that. Relationships are actually more difficult than we think. Sometimes, we dive into it blindly, maybe it's romantic to be risky and spontaneous, but camohn, there's more to that. Live with the decisions you make, don't go crawling under a rock when you don't want it anymore. It's always a choice. A Choice. So if that's what you chose, live up to it. But if you know that it's so not working anymore, be brave to say it out loud. Whining is excusable the first 5 times but after that, you have to really do something about it. That's part of the lecture I gave Jaybee. I know she'll understand what I'm saying.

I guess after a night of hopping from place to place, and then not getting enough sleep... it's inevitable that my saturday night turned out to be a sleepy lazy night. It seems to me that Friday night was adequate to cover the fun for the whole weekend. I snuggled into my warm comforter and then slowly drifted off to dreamland.

Friday night started out with drinking at Dencio's Ayala Heights (I love their sisig!! and once again, Lesto ordered pancit ligaya/happiness) until 10PM, I was with my Travel Society orgmates Lester, Dane, Jaybee, Drew and our prof Tony getting a few drinks after school. Then after that me, Dane and Drew hopped over to Ipanema, Eastwood at the Chill party of Alpha Sigma, the grand archon is Alpha, an orgmate too... Jane, Renze and Stagholder President Neil with fellow stagholder JP, Mr. Mozo (one wink for you JC!) were there already when we arrived. So we drank a couple of mixes, gawd knows what's in them (didn't bother to ask) but my gut tells me there was gin somewhere in there as I got tipsy after 3 glasses (combined with vitamin sticks of marlboro menthol lights), I mean, I did drink before I got to Ipanema. I did a little dancing with Neil, and was being checked out by the cute chinito at his back. I just smiled anyway. I saw my LCF orgmates too, sacrebleu!!! Haha. I just said hi and kinda chilled... I haven't been active since last sem as 21 units has been my priority, and another 21 units this sem is once again eating my precious time. So I went back to the table outside, started to smoke and chat with people, then I saw a long time crush. Actually, when I see him, I remember him, haha. He was still hot and who knew, Jane knew the guy. So when Jane went dancing inside with his groupie, she called me and introduced me, and she was like, she knows your brother. Haha. I'm like hell yah. He is way cuter then his younger brother.

Out of the blue I remember my good friend Roj. I was happy that he forgave me for that stupid missent text message that was supposed to be for Jaybs. Anyway, Dane was such a friend when he accompanied me when I had to leave, so I offered to buy him KFC because I was getting hungry. Dane made sure I was safe and boarded, bid toodles to him and off to Roj's place. I just had the urge to see him, I mean I was on a roll! And besides, I half-promised myself that if I did hang with him I'd stay off late night gimmiks in the next few days. So I called Roj and begged him not to sleep yet. Thank gawd when I got to his place he was still up. I even saw his sister, and his brother. I mean, you gotta give me credit for the effort of going to his house at 2am in the morning just see if we were really okay. I mean, sure I could talk to him on my cellphone but who knows, he might be making faces or something. Haha. That's me being uber paranoid. So there, I saw him, talked to him... I threw all the sweet gestures away because actually, I don't know. Maybe I was scared that I ruined something and I didn't know where to place myself anymore. But I did hold his cheek (it's like an aww moment, I really wanted to hold him, feel him, I wanted to feel my emotions through him). And gave him a hug before I left... sadly, that hug was half-hearted on my part because by the end of the night (ehm morning?), I really didn't know where to place myself anymore.

When I left I felt a sigh of relief. But at the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that everything would still be the same. I have never felt so stupid in my life. I love my friend a lot, and to do something like that, I'm glad he dealt with it really well.

So here I am, on a sunday morning, recalling the events of past nights, I would never trade anything in this world for that quick gentle touch on his face. I felt something inside of me stir, an emotion, a sad feeling... like nothing's ever going to be the same again between us.

I'm so sick of love songs- Ne-Yo

So I am screaming my lungs out singing old love songs. I'm such a sucker for them. And I am on ym... ym-ing with Jed (he's got the cutest little YM picture >>> ), one of the few new manila neighbors I know. We're now talking about food since it's supposed to be dinner time and here we are typing away... well, dinner's always late for the both of us. And i just told him about the isaw stand not being there anymore, the one near the ilang-ilang dorm. I think he felt sad. Actually, I don't know where the hell the isaw stand went. I mean, they have the best isaw in UP!

I've now switched my i-tunes to Gin Blossoms. And man, I miss my i-pod. All 20 gigs of it. It conked out on me and it's expensive to have it fixed. My savings would've dried up. Or maybe turned negative. Bummer. So here I am, with an mp3 player from my mom, one of those extras lying around the house, well, better one than none.

Hey Jealousy is a favorite, as well as Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's somewhere between chill and rock, I don't know, is that alternative? But I like the way it sounds, heck I can do a paper while listening to the Gin Blossoms album. Anyhoot, I'm getting hungry. Should I eat or should I eat? Whoops. I must be that hungry. Ciao!

Breathe

Can't get over Michelle Branch's song, Breathe. I just love it. It echoes everything I am feeling right now.

If I just breathe (chill!)
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe

All the talks are overrated (are we running out of things to talk about?)
You're not sayin' how you feel (only hinting, but that's not enough)
So you end up watchin' chances fade (I'm not waiting that long.)
And wonderin' what's real

And I give it just a little time (Waiting a bit, fine)
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes (I want to see that look, you know the look you give when you realize something deep and intense has overcome you)

The blue text are my comments and are not part of the song, nor am I trying to alter the song.

There's somebody I like. I'm smitten. I wish I wasn't. But I think I am. Well, the tell-tale signs are:
I smile when he texts me.
I miss him when I don't see him.
I like putting my chin on his back while watching a band play.
I attend his gigs.

I am in big trouble.

Ooh, and... I don't know what possessed me but I started getting mushy and stuff.
But I'll put it here in french and just try to figure it out. I swear. It's sweet.

Vous me permettre d'aimer. Vous savez ce serez bien.
Tout lâcher et vous permet de sent la chaleur de mon étreinte, la douceur de ma
touche, la douceur de mon baiser. Nous tiendrons la fin et ne laissons pas va
jusqu'à ce qu'il y a rien qui nous ne fait tient sur plus.

Okay okay, here's the translation, hehe. Mushy ei? I know.

Let me love you. You know it will be alright. Let go of
everything and let yourself feel the warmth of my embrace, the gentleness of my
touch, the sweetness of my kiss. We will hold each other close and not let go
until there is nothing that makes us hold on anymore.


Anyhoot, I miss my friend Jaybee... she's back in Davao right now because it was her Grandma's birthday, she's going to be back on Friday. It's kinda hard to not have my scheming buddy with me. No more laughing about Dobby and Damasow... ranting about everything that pisses us off, talking about the most mundane things like cafe food, boys, accounting, boys, boracay, boys, laziness, kissing, boys, smoking, boys, drinking, boys... and so it goes on and on.

The best part of my monday is right before I go into my 10am class of Sir A, I pass by the tambayan to exchange news with Jaybee and whoever else is there. Then I light my cig and smoke. A few minutes of chatting, then I kill my cig.When it's like 20 minutes after 10am, I drag Lesto to class with me since we're classmates. Ta~da! I am perpetually late! Maybe I should change, it's getting very obvious nowadays...