I spent saturday night at home, watching the lifestyle channel (ch.47 on sky, must see for all ye suzy homemakers, divas, fashionistas and whatever the hell you are, I swear I love it!!!) and texting Jaybee, my beloved partner-in-crime... well, you know me, I love my friends and I really want to help out in anyway I can. Jaybs and I were texting, love problems it seems are so in nowadays, is it because Valentines is nearing? Which reminds me... do I even have a date? Or am I stag this year? Okay, no more of that. Relationships are actually more difficult than we think. Sometimes, we dive into it blindly, maybe it's romantic to be risky and spontaneous, but camohn, there's more to that. Live with the decisions you make, don't go crawling under a rock when you don't want it anymore. It's always a choice. A Choice. So if that's what you chose, live up to it. But if you know that it's so not working anymore, be brave to say it out loud. Whining is excusable the first 5 times but after that, you have to really do something about it. That's part of the lecture I gave Jaybee. I know she'll understand what I'm saying.
I guess after a night of hopping from place to place, and then not getting enough sleep... it's inevitable that my saturday night turned out to be a sleepy lazy night. It seems to me that Friday night was adequate to cover the fun for the whole weekend. I snuggled into my warm comforter and then slowly drifted off to dreamland.
Friday night started out with drinking at Dencio's Ayala Heights (I love their sisig!! and once again, Lesto ordered pancit ligaya/happiness) until 10PM, I was with my Travel Society orgmates Lester, Dane, Jaybee, Drew and our prof Tony getting a few drinks after school. Then after that me, Dane and Drew hopped over to Ipanema, Eastwood at the Chill party of Alpha Sigma, the grand archon is Alpha, an orgmate too... Jane, Renze and Stagholder President Neil with fellow stagholder JP, Mr. Mozo (one wink for you JC!) were there already when we arrived. So we drank a couple of mixes, gawd knows what's in them (didn't bother to ask) but my gut tells me there was gin somewhere in there as I got tipsy after 3 glasses (combined with vitamin sticks of marlboro menthol lights), I mean, I did drink before I got to Ipanema. I did a little dancing with Neil, and was being checked out by the cute chinito at his back. I just smiled anyway. I saw my LCF orgmates too, sacrebleu!!! Haha. I just said hi and kinda chilled... I haven't been active since last sem as 21 units has been my priority, and another 21 units this sem is once again eating my precious time. So I went back to the table outside, started to smoke and chat with people, then I saw a long time crush. Actually, when I see him, I remember him, haha. He was still hot and who knew, Jane knew the guy. So when Jane went dancing inside with his groupie, she called me and introduced me, and she was like, she knows your brother. Haha. I'm like hell yah. He is way cuter then his younger brother.
Out of the blue I remember my good friend Roj. I was happy that he forgave me for that stupid missent text message that was supposed to be for Jaybs. Anyway, Dane was such a friend when he accompanied me when I had to leave, so I offered to buy him KFC because I was getting hungry. Dane made sure I was safe and boarded, bid toodles to him and off to Roj's place. I just had the urge to see him, I mean I was on a roll! And besides, I half-promised myself that if I did hang with him I'd stay off late night gimmiks in the next few days. So I called Roj and begged him not to sleep yet. Thank gawd when I got to his place he was still up. I even saw his sister, and his brother. I mean, you gotta give me credit for the effort of going to his house at 2am in the morning just see if we were really okay. I mean, sure I could talk to him on my cellphone but who knows, he might be making faces or something. Haha. That's me being uber paranoid. So there, I saw him, talked to him... I threw all the sweet gestures away because actually, I don't know. Maybe I was scared that I ruined something and I didn't know where to place myself anymore. But I did hold his cheek (it's like an aww moment, I really wanted to hold him, feel him, I wanted to feel my emotions through him). And gave him a hug before I left... sadly, that hug was half-hearted on my part because by the end of the night (ehm morning?), I really didn't know where to place myself anymore.
When I left I felt a sigh of relief. But at the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that everything would still be the same. I have never felt so stupid in my life. I love my friend a lot, and to do something like that, I'm glad he dealt with it really well.
So here I am, on a sunday morning, recalling the events of past nights, I would never trade anything in this world for that quick gentle touch on his face. I felt something inside of me stir, an emotion, a sad feeling... like nothing's ever going to be the same again between us.
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