Je t'adore

Smitten with an old song, "Excuse my french". My love affair with the song started after I attended Le Club Francais' Le Code de la Mode (Cultural Night) at the Boiler Room, Marikina, last friday. Pretty good event, they were able to get John Robert Powers' models to sashay down the runaway, plus there was free flowing... was that tanduay rum (Hmm..) mixed with fruit punch complete with the promo girls (I settled for good ol' beer). Anyhoot, they asked me to give a speech at the end of the program... would I refuse a stroke for my ego? Hell no. Haha.

Je t'adore, je t'adore
When you walk
Through the door
Voulez-vous, voulez-vous
I wanna be with you
C'est la vie, c'est la vie
You were made for me

I was thinking, it'd be nice if some guy actually gave the song to me, because it combines the very things I love in a song, the beat, lyrics (esp. since there are french words) and the whole feel of it... it's all good. I know it's mushy, nah, rather, very pop-py, but it is so cute!

So anyway, back to recluse not so giddy mode. The evening before, all of a sudden I was hit by some force that just sucked all the air out of me. I wanted to faint there and then. But no! Kara doesn't go down without a fight. The moment passed, but it did leave me a bit, not myself. It was actually more complex than I thought. I assumed I felt like that because I was going to get sick, when all the while, I was already fine when I went out with my officemates earlier in the evening. Then I figured a part of it. I'm getting the freaking jitters! It only means one thing, I am getting too attached. And for a person who hasn't gotten too attached for a long time (for personal reasons may I add), the blow is a bit hard at first. Which explains what I was feeling that night. I'm scared of passing the point of no return. I want to be un-scared but I can't do it myself. If it were up to me, and if I were the old me, I would have just walked away. But I know I can't. I can't explain it, but I know that I can't walk away from where I am now. It feels wonderful, even if does give me the jitters. Maybe sub-consciously, I am actually unprepared for anything serious. Maybe, I'm lost. Maybe I'm stupid. I have to figure everything out, what I want, how I feel, my future... I'm just not used to having my solar system jumbled up by somebody, unless I let them of course.

It is possible that the "tiredness" makes me feel this way. I want to figure stuff out. But I don't know where the hell to begin. Like I said, my solar system is all jumbled up. The sun is no longer in the center of Kara's solar system.

Granpapi's 91st beeday

Granpapi's beeday celeb at west ave... I think he had like 5 cakes and 2 bottles of red wine all to himself, care of me and Karlo (demmit! we both gave red wine, BUT, mine was barking lizard, a shiraz red wine, you can't find that anywhere else unless you go to the direct distributor haha!). Lotsa food as usual. Instead of wearing the traditional red shirt, he was sporting a cute shade of yellow on him, spiffy for a 91 year old if you ask me.

Spent the day pondering about age. My cousin Migs is now 1st year high at AHS and is turning 14 tom, it was upon that fact Kaye, my big sis, realized that BAM! She's old already! Hahaha. I was like, oh crap. That makes me old too. No more summers spent immersed in water fights, sleepovers at Panx's house, Manong Tok's ghost stories... they have all been replaced by our Nasugbu, Batangas trip just before school starts (their school starts for that matter...), which is very much an "older" persons thing.

Year after year people get older... but do they get closer to achieving whatever they set out to do? At 23 I can't help but think about my future, what I would like to achieve, places I want to explore... it's a natural thirst for life, so many things, so little time... 23 years is 23 years on this earth evolving into a somebody. Life cycles are crazy really. It limits and pressures you to do stuff since whatever happens, it's bound to happen, there's no stopping it, but then, if only the elixir of life were real, or maybe the fountain of youth, time wouldn't really matter much. There's the mid-life crisis, menopause, old age... that cycle is a natural progression that limits time you spend in a particular phase of your life.

It's so easy to age, sometimes you won't even feel it... but when you see the changes around you, your younger cousins are in high school already, somebody's getting married, landscapes changing... you're bound to notice how you've aged. But then life goes on, the natural cycle continues, and we just get older every year.

No coffee.

Spent most part of the day out of the office. Met up at the Block for lunch before visiting our clients aka sales call-ing. Hehe. Had lunch at Wham burger then settled for coffee at Gonuts Donuts. Kinda sucks when your spending capacity is increased, haha. When we got back to the office, Ms. Jas, our boss, said "Ang lakas ng pang-amoy niyo ha". Apparently, Ma'am Wineth, the Executive Housekeeper, was throwing a merienda beeday bash at the sports bar. Wee! More food! What was good about it, the tv there was so big, and it was an admu-dlsu game being aired. I think it was a replay though. So more food, plus FIC pistachio ice cream... I mean, wouldn't that make anybody's bad day, not so bad? So we were happy and well-fed... did a bit of work before ditching the office, but then... Genee had to joke Mr. Mohnani about giving us some Friday's chicken fingers... no--ooo... I mean... yessss. We happened to pass by Mr. Mohnani who was seated outside the sales office, apparently, he was ordering some food from Friday's. Genee joked about the cajun chicken fingers. He said sure, and we tried so much to politely decline but he wouldn't have it. I guess he was feeling a bit generous today, so good for us. He had actually already ordered the chicken fingers to be brought up to our office even before we accepted his kind gesture. We had to walk back towards our office, and then Mr. Mohnani said that he was rewarding such hard-working and ever-reliable account execs... the praise for our effort was such a nice thing to hear. We said thank you and I pretended to be so touched as to fake a sob, then the learned jokes started coming in and instead, we all just started to laugh. I was the account exec who handled Mr. Mohnani's event at the hotel, which is why he ended up calling me the learned one, he apparently found out that I graduated cum laude. Hehe. Well, what a fruitful day. But I stand corrected by Liz, it was a "food-full" day.

The office has been a tad bit suffocating lately, since our coffee privileges have been taken away (coffee is a privilege, who knew?). Damn Cap'n waiter, jealous of everything everybody else has. Grr. So bye bye hawaiian coffee. Lisette and I have been greatly affected by the lack of coffee in our systems, we've started withdrawal syndrome already, headaches, grumpiness, slight fever... it's really crappy. It started yesterday really, it was such a freakin' crappy day that we couldn't stand being at the office. So what we did to "escape" was we had lunch out and then we visited clients in the area, oh, and then we had coffee at Baang. I have to say the chicken at tropical hot is the bomb. As in. But their coffee.. taste like crappo. After we finished our lunch, ranting sesh began, with of course comments from the GM that our department is spoiled (hope they're not refering to me alone haha). Plus the envious Cap'n waiter (who is chakaaaaa!!!!). And the fact that we are no longer allowed to eat in the office... but then we can't help it sometimes... grr. Thank gawd for the coffee break at baang which momentarily relieved my stress (and lisette's too). The Iced coffee raspberry is a must for coffee drinkers who don't like their coffee concoctions too sweet that you can't taste the freakin' coffee anymore. Yum.

What struck me the most about our conversation wasn't the ranting, it was actually, when Genee and I got up to smoke outside, Lisette laughed and said that if she and genee combined "bisyos", equals me!!! Weeee! I went like, omigawd! Dami ko palang bisyo. Haha. I thought about it a bit, then came to a conclusion... if I quit all my bisyos, mah gawd, I'd have a lot more moolah. But then, it was quickly countered by the other part of me which said... hell no. So here I am, same old, same old.

I want a Teddy BER

Eversince septemBER started, it became more difficult for me to get-up in the morning. The mornings are much cooler, but dang, the afternoons are hot, then at night, it rains, kaya pala ako nahirapan bumangon--- may sakit na siguro ako, haha.

Office hours are getting bit duller nowadays, unless of course we do our sales call or client visits, as a group, atleast we get to hang-around places. Like yesterday, we hung-out at Greenhills, oooh, and ate Krispy Kreme donuts. I think I almost died of sugar shock. The donut was excellente, but my gawd, Lisette could've sworn I was getting the chills. Haha. So sweet man.

Back to the Ber months, I wonder if people start to notice their singlehoodedness during the start of the ber months... haha, it's like how many days to christmas?? The thoughts of kissing under the mistletoe floats around the minds of those who are single... that maybe this year, is THE year. Haha.

It's all chillax in the office, since the boss isn't here and it's freakin' 16 degrees most of the time. A cup of hot coco and a good book, you're good to go... might sneak in a little nap later if indeed the boss doesn't arrive. (After 3 minutes!)

My boss is here, I gotta go. Ciao!

TS Day

After Karmella's formals, everybody headed to their espective inumans. Geleen made libre at Drew's, but apparently, the young ones were out by 9pm so we decided to just stay put at our old haunt, brothers. Anyhoot, the formals went well... after the formals was even better. Old boss and fave prof Tony, Lestowpestow, me and Drewlie met up at Brothers, which remarkably, is still open. Thank God! I love their mojos! As in love. Looooove! It was amazing, we had the same table, same people, old memories infused with fresher ones, I was pretty happy everybody was okay. Tony mentioned that the last person he drank with one on one was with JC!! Mr. Mozo!! Where's my mozow? Hehe. We were surprised at that, and more surprisingly, I thought I was the only one 
who had cut back on drinking. Apparently, everybody did, including bossing Tony.

Jedhonx followed at brothers, glad he found his way there, since it's not exactly a known drinkeedrinkee place unless you're from UP (whoops!) haha. Tony left before
Jed arrived... so we were once again 4!

There we were, drinking and laughing

Half Day

Haven't really been feeling myself lately, so I hope this break from work will do the trick. Got a half-day leave today to attend the TS formals at school. The memories! I'm all excited and can't wait for 1 pm to pack up and head out to the once familiar world of school. Of course I had to think of an excuse to get my ass outta work, so I said I needed to sign some financial documents for my past org, so they can finally get the money that's in the savings account. Which is true. So in essence, I didn't really have to make up an excuse. Here I am, just finished up a business order for an event I'm handling on Saturday... after that, freedom! Just sound tripping, all the good vibes are starting to flow back in, weee!

It has been a tradition for the Travel Society Alumni to grace the school grounds for the formal interview of its applicants. This year, it's going to be a bit different. Due to a frat-related death, tighter regulations have been insured for all formal interviews, hence, we are holding it in front of the college. Crap. So much for bringing booze. Bugger!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for Lestowpestow's reply, we're suppose to go to school together, he'll meet me at work, then off we go.

Aside from signing of financial documents, I have to ultimately say hi to Dean Cora Rodriguez, since I didn't see her last time I went to AIT. Of course, I won't miss saying hi to Tony, my fave prof! Hehe.

Cuatro. Pier 1. Good weekend.

A good weekend spent. I seriously don't know how Jed does it, but I think he can read minds or something because he certainly can read mine for that matter. I was thinking of drinking, nobody particular in mind, maybe neighbors, maybe UP friends, maybe kasins, and then, somebody read my mind. Somebody sensed I wanted to drink! Voila, Jed texts! Impeccable timing. Anyhoot, we ended up at Cuatro, with a lot of stories to tell, from the weeks gone by, pretty interesting if you ask me, haha. Redhorse was our choice of drink for the night, although the alcopop looked interesting, it looked so artificial. Drewlie follows to Cuatro, and so does Roj. So now we're four. Even invited Marko, my cousin, but alas, he couldn't make it. So when we were finally four, the conversation started to become even more interesting. From Drew's definitions of the types of homosexuals, to poppers, to Jed's love problem, Roj's job hunting. I think Drewlie doesn't believe Roj when he says he doesn't know what poppers are. The way Drew describes it, it has a very interesting effect. Hmm. I think we ended about maybe 3am or 4am... I totally lost track of time, Redhorse had done it's job perfectly. Had to sober up a bit, since I had to drive home, and drop jed off also. I though I was flying home, I think Jed was half-scared for his life haha, I mean, a half-drunk woman driving him home. I was smart enough to set my alarm even before the redhorse kicked in, so I still woke up on time for work, not, however, without a nasty hangover. I couldn't stand it so I popped a biogesic and drank some gatorade... and naturally, I was able to sneak some sleep during work, since it was a saturday and there weren't a lot of inquiries.

After getting rid of my hangover, I decided to go to Bribear's bday/despedida party at around 10pm, and I tagged Ryan along since he came from the Katips area. I didn't know a lot of Bri's friends so I think I wouldn't have attended the party by myself, hehe. It was so freakin' traffic at the ortigas-edsa intersection, grr... stoopit buses blocking the roads! I think it took us one hour to get to Pier 1 -Ortigas, well, we brought Nico home na rin anyway. If it weren't for Nico's funny comments, staying stuck in traffic would be quite an ordeal. Got to the party, I was right, I didn't know anybody but Bri. Talked a bit with Bri, reminded him of my pasalubongs, joking him about harakiri, and why the hell did he want to study again, knowing he wasn't particularly the type of person to do so in the first place. Haha. I think I just downed 4 beers, after that, steady. Ryan, 1 beer. Weee! Haha. He was never a big drinker, but I was still trying to make B.I. him nonetheless. Got home in one piece, but I think Ry was just as scared as Jed the night before, about my driving because he wasn't only in seatbelt, he was holding on to the handle-like thing just above the passenger side window. Extra safety measures.

Twas another good weekend. Weeee!

An epiphany

I don't know what hit me upon waking up this morning. All of a sudden I had the urge to clean up my room, change my bedsheets, fix my clothes, get rid of the dusty curtains... I didn't know what I was feeling. (But I knew for sure that I was thirsty and that I was analyzing some stuff from the previous 2 nights.) So, I just kept tidying up, trying to brush away particular thoughts about a certain somebody.

All of a sudden, I wanted to be a new person, I wanted to change something, something in me. It's like I had an epiphany of some sort. I realized that I wanted to change. Somewhat. I wanted to open myself up again, to feeling, of which most of the time I end up denying, and eventually losing. But I don't know if I'm up for it, as in really up for it. For the first time in a lot of months, I think I'm starting to get the jitters. Well, that's what you get when you try something out of curiosity, thinking that it wouldn't matter anyway, and then it freakin' backfires. I'm not saying it's a bad kinda backfire thing. I tried to pass something out as a casual comment, then the reply I got shockingly made sense. And then, as much as I remain an unassuming person most of the time, it's pretty challenging to remain like that when all the facts are laid out infront of you, right? Haha. All of a sudden I was transported to that day I realized that I think I liked a certain somebody. We were drinking beer, consoling a friend, offering advice--- then it hit me, we agreed on everything. He understood my points, I understood his. We wanted the same things, we believed in the same things. Now that made me think a bit. And then poof!

So this morning, I finally gained my thinking back, since I woke-up with no hang-over, and I think my alcohol level went back to normal. I wonder if it's a good thing though hehe. So am thinking, I want to somehow change my ways, and how I maintain my relationships with guys as purely platonic, most of the time for that matter, part of the reason for my jitters was because this person in my mind, is a pretty good person, and decent person one too, plus he gets along with everybody, one on one inumans never turn out to be boring, and he has a way with words, the kicker is we get each others humor and it's not difficult to turn into my other beesh persona with him. Plus, Drew, in fairness to him, has seen my share of boylets, and only one has ever really made an effort to strike up an interesting conversation with him, hence getting the okay sign from Drewlie.

Anyway, enough for one day. Time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

B!tch Boredom

I do not get why some girls out there use the word bitch to pertain to themselves, without having the necessary attitude to be called one. Do they think it's hot? I mean, if you are a bitch, make sure that you act like one and not use the term just so you can be "hot"/"in"/"cool". And, it has to be bestowed upon you by people who think you are one. It is not a self-proclaimed title. It is earned.

Case and point: A person who I knew from college keeps referring to herself as a bitch, I choose not to include exact phrases here because that person might see it. In college, we started being beeshes because we were. This girl was a sweetie type, ribbons on her head, always girly... And now, when we left, there was a freakin' new breed left a the tambayan. She's a bitch-wannabe. I mean, appearance alone won't merit the title. Let alone her facial expressions. Even in the way she talks, man, not even an ounce a bitch.

Okay, I admit I'm bored. I miss my beesh. I miss bitchin' with her, bitchin' about girls like her, who are bitch-wannabes.