Je t'adore

Smitten with an old song, "Excuse my french". My love affair with the song started after I attended Le Club Francais' Le Code de la Mode (Cultural Night) at the Boiler Room, Marikina, last friday. Pretty good event, they were able to get John Robert Powers' models to sashay down the runaway, plus there was free flowing... was that tanduay rum (Hmm..) mixed with fruit punch complete with the promo girls (I settled for good ol' beer). Anyhoot, they asked me to give a speech at the end of the program... would I refuse a stroke for my ego? Hell no. Haha.

Je t'adore, je t'adore
When you walk
Through the door
Voulez-vous, voulez-vous
I wanna be with you
C'est la vie, c'est la vie
You were made for me

I was thinking, it'd be nice if some guy actually gave the song to me, because it combines the very things I love in a song, the beat, lyrics (esp. since there are french words) and the whole feel of it... it's all good. I know it's mushy, nah, rather, very pop-py, but it is so cute!

So anyway, back to recluse not so giddy mode. The evening before, all of a sudden I was hit by some force that just sucked all the air out of me. I wanted to faint there and then. But no! Kara doesn't go down without a fight. The moment passed, but it did leave me a bit, not myself. It was actually more complex than I thought. I assumed I felt like that because I was going to get sick, when all the while, I was already fine when I went out with my officemates earlier in the evening. Then I figured a part of it. I'm getting the freaking jitters! It only means one thing, I am getting too attached. And for a person who hasn't gotten too attached for a long time (for personal reasons may I add), the blow is a bit hard at first. Which explains what I was feeling that night. I'm scared of passing the point of no return. I want to be un-scared but I can't do it myself. If it were up to me, and if I were the old me, I would have just walked away. But I know I can't. I can't explain it, but I know that I can't walk away from where I am now. It feels wonderful, even if does give me the jitters. Maybe sub-consciously, I am actually unprepared for anything serious. Maybe, I'm lost. Maybe I'm stupid. I have to figure everything out, what I want, how I feel, my future... I'm just not used to having my solar system jumbled up by somebody, unless I let them of course.

It is possible that the "tiredness" makes me feel this way. I want to figure stuff out. But I don't know where the hell to begin. Like I said, my solar system is all jumbled up. The sun is no longer in the center of Kara's solar system.