Dencio's Sisig

Last night, over some beer, marlboro lights and sisig (and my bud Lester's order which is called pansit ligaya, which we call pansit Happiness) and the said pansit at Dencio's in Metrowalk... we talked about our loves. How could we not be in a such a senti mood, all the songs playing just screamed SENTIMENTAL!

Anyway, since I last wrote.. I mentioned there was a guy I wanted to kiss... well, I already did!
Omigod!

The only feeling I had after was like... I don't know but I was so happy. It's like I couldn't believe it actually happened!

Then it happened the a 2nd time again.

Then a 3rd.

But by the 3rd kiss I felt a bit silly. Nothing was really progressing so I asked point blank.
Well, I got an answer alright. We're friends and there's a little attraction. But he's still kissing me back.

So now, I dont' want to kiss him anymore. But we will still be friends. We will still hang-out and drink and smoke. But as friends only.

I'm just a bit sad that I was mistaken.
I was thinking I could get him. But apparently, I didn't get him enough.
Crap talaga.

I thought everything would fall into place!
And it didn't.
Now I'm confused. I know I can treat him as a friend. But I don't know what I will do with what I feel. Because if I close it up and forget it, it's final. No more. But I'm afraid if I do that, it'd all be a waste. And yes, I thought I was in-love with him. But I realized a few days after that I wasn't but I do have feelings. I don't know what to feel anymore.

Sometimes I ask myself why don't I just go on with life, don't bother with guys...
but when I do that, someone just comes along. And I have no expectations. And then something happens. When it does, I can't stop myself. Well either I stop myself to early or to late.

I risked it. I made a compromise. And I feel so stupid for doing something like that. I mean I finally compromise and it doesn't turn out the way I hoped it would.

At least I don't regret kissing him. Because when I kissed him, it felt so nice. So did the 2nd and 3rd kiss. I haven't felt like that for a long time. That feeling. Even if I try to describe it... words won't be enough.

So I guess I'm just going to lie low for awhile. And never kiss him again. If I do then I've probably gone crazy already. I guess that's what I'll do then, keep myself sane enough. Although I will miss kissing him.