Another day has gone by. I won't deny I am so tempted to text him. Of course, I try to focus o other things. But I am in that state, that state where you perpetually think of other things and when you don't expect it... it hits you. And when it does hit me, I kind of get a bit irritated. And after the initial irritation, I get a little tingle in my stomach. That feeling I get when I realize something important, you know, like missing someone.
Okay, I am all emo this very minute. I totally love Craig David's new song. Oh, and the song Collide by Howie Day. I just love the line: I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind.
Enough songs!
I just want to say that I miss texting him and that I'm a bit disappointed that he hasn't even texted me. Why expect in the first place? Because I am stupid. Hahaha. I want to make him realize that he misses me. And I sure do hope he does realize it. Rawr. Painful.
I'm starting to think that I am risking the wrong things.
Maybe with H it would have been great.
With R maybe it just wasn't the right time.
And B simply would have been great but it wouldn't have stability.
I finally let my feelings go with R and it wasn't as I expected.
With H, I held my feelings, and now what? What if he was the one I should have held on to?
Man. Better yet just keep going on with life. Am I sounding bitter? No. I'd just rather be careful. Very careful. I'll lie low a bit and see what happens. Maybe it will put things in perspective.
What do I like about him again?
His humor. His smile. The way he lets his unlit cig hang from his mouth which makes him look funny. The way he laughs (he sounds a bit high). That face he gives me when he disagrees. The way he says "Really?". Oh my gawd.
What the hell?
Why?
I don't know. I REALLY don't know.
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