Je t'adore

Smitten with an old song, "Excuse my french". My love affair with the song started after I attended Le Club Francais' Le Code de la Mode (Cultural Night) at the Boiler Room, Marikina, last friday. Pretty good event, they were able to get John Robert Powers' models to sashay down the runaway, plus there was free flowing... was that tanduay rum (Hmm..) mixed with fruit punch complete with the promo girls (I settled for good ol' beer). Anyhoot, they asked me to give a speech at the end of the program... would I refuse a stroke for my ego? Hell no. Haha.

Je t'adore, je t'adore
When you walk
Through the door
Voulez-vous, voulez-vous
I wanna be with you
C'est la vie, c'est la vie
You were made for me

I was thinking, it'd be nice if some guy actually gave the song to me, because it combines the very things I love in a song, the beat, lyrics (esp. since there are french words) and the whole feel of it... it's all good. I know it's mushy, nah, rather, very pop-py, but it is so cute!

So anyway, back to recluse not so giddy mode. The evening before, all of a sudden I was hit by some force that just sucked all the air out of me. I wanted to faint there and then. But no! Kara doesn't go down without a fight. The moment passed, but it did leave me a bit, not myself. It was actually more complex than I thought. I assumed I felt like that because I was going to get sick, when all the while, I was already fine when I went out with my officemates earlier in the evening. Then I figured a part of it. I'm getting the freaking jitters! It only means one thing, I am getting too attached. And for a person who hasn't gotten too attached for a long time (for personal reasons may I add), the blow is a bit hard at first. Which explains what I was feeling that night. I'm scared of passing the point of no return. I want to be un-scared but I can't do it myself. If it were up to me, and if I were the old me, I would have just walked away. But I know I can't. I can't explain it, but I know that I can't walk away from where I am now. It feels wonderful, even if does give me the jitters. Maybe sub-consciously, I am actually unprepared for anything serious. Maybe, I'm lost. Maybe I'm stupid. I have to figure everything out, what I want, how I feel, my future... I'm just not used to having my solar system jumbled up by somebody, unless I let them of course.

It is possible that the "tiredness" makes me feel this way. I want to figure stuff out. But I don't know where the hell to begin. Like I said, my solar system is all jumbled up. The sun is no longer in the center of Kara's solar system.

Granpapi's 91st beeday

Granpapi's beeday celeb at west ave... I think he had like 5 cakes and 2 bottles of red wine all to himself, care of me and Karlo (demmit! we both gave red wine, BUT, mine was barking lizard, a shiraz red wine, you can't find that anywhere else unless you go to the direct distributor haha!). Lotsa food as usual. Instead of wearing the traditional red shirt, he was sporting a cute shade of yellow on him, spiffy for a 91 year old if you ask me.

Spent the day pondering about age. My cousin Migs is now 1st year high at AHS and is turning 14 tom, it was upon that fact Kaye, my big sis, realized that BAM! She's old already! Hahaha. I was like, oh crap. That makes me old too. No more summers spent immersed in water fights, sleepovers at Panx's house, Manong Tok's ghost stories... they have all been replaced by our Nasugbu, Batangas trip just before school starts (their school starts for that matter...), which is very much an "older" persons thing.

Year after year people get older... but do they get closer to achieving whatever they set out to do? At 23 I can't help but think about my future, what I would like to achieve, places I want to explore... it's a natural thirst for life, so many things, so little time... 23 years is 23 years on this earth evolving into a somebody. Life cycles are crazy really. It limits and pressures you to do stuff since whatever happens, it's bound to happen, there's no stopping it, but then, if only the elixir of life were real, or maybe the fountain of youth, time wouldn't really matter much. There's the mid-life crisis, menopause, old age... that cycle is a natural progression that limits time you spend in a particular phase of your life.

It's so easy to age, sometimes you won't even feel it... but when you see the changes around you, your younger cousins are in high school already, somebody's getting married, landscapes changing... you're bound to notice how you've aged. But then life goes on, the natural cycle continues, and we just get older every year.

No coffee.

Spent most part of the day out of the office. Met up at the Block for lunch before visiting our clients aka sales call-ing. Hehe. Had lunch at Wham burger then settled for coffee at Gonuts Donuts. Kinda sucks when your spending capacity is increased, haha. When we got back to the office, Ms. Jas, our boss, said "Ang lakas ng pang-amoy niyo ha". Apparently, Ma'am Wineth, the Executive Housekeeper, was throwing a merienda beeday bash at the sports bar. Wee! More food! What was good about it, the tv there was so big, and it was an admu-dlsu game being aired. I think it was a replay though. So more food, plus FIC pistachio ice cream... I mean, wouldn't that make anybody's bad day, not so bad? So we were happy and well-fed... did a bit of work before ditching the office, but then... Genee had to joke Mr. Mohnani about giving us some Friday's chicken fingers... no--ooo... I mean... yessss. We happened to pass by Mr. Mohnani who was seated outside the sales office, apparently, he was ordering some food from Friday's. Genee joked about the cajun chicken fingers. He said sure, and we tried so much to politely decline but he wouldn't have it. I guess he was feeling a bit generous today, so good for us. He had actually already ordered the chicken fingers to be brought up to our office even before we accepted his kind gesture. We had to walk back towards our office, and then Mr. Mohnani said that he was rewarding such hard-working and ever-reliable account execs... the praise for our effort was such a nice thing to hear. We said thank you and I pretended to be so touched as to fake a sob, then the learned jokes started coming in and instead, we all just started to laugh. I was the account exec who handled Mr. Mohnani's event at the hotel, which is why he ended up calling me the learned one, he apparently found out that I graduated cum laude. Hehe. Well, what a fruitful day. But I stand corrected by Liz, it was a "food-full" day.

The office has been a tad bit suffocating lately, since our coffee privileges have been taken away (coffee is a privilege, who knew?). Damn Cap'n waiter, jealous of everything everybody else has. Grr. So bye bye hawaiian coffee. Lisette and I have been greatly affected by the lack of coffee in our systems, we've started withdrawal syndrome already, headaches, grumpiness, slight fever... it's really crappy. It started yesterday really, it was such a freakin' crappy day that we couldn't stand being at the office. So what we did to "escape" was we had lunch out and then we visited clients in the area, oh, and then we had coffee at Baang. I have to say the chicken at tropical hot is the bomb. As in. But their coffee.. taste like crappo. After we finished our lunch, ranting sesh began, with of course comments from the GM that our department is spoiled (hope they're not refering to me alone haha). Plus the envious Cap'n waiter (who is chakaaaaa!!!!). And the fact that we are no longer allowed to eat in the office... but then we can't help it sometimes... grr. Thank gawd for the coffee break at baang which momentarily relieved my stress (and lisette's too). The Iced coffee raspberry is a must for coffee drinkers who don't like their coffee concoctions too sweet that you can't taste the freakin' coffee anymore. Yum.

What struck me the most about our conversation wasn't the ranting, it was actually, when Genee and I got up to smoke outside, Lisette laughed and said that if she and genee combined "bisyos", equals me!!! Weeee! I went like, omigawd! Dami ko palang bisyo. Haha. I thought about it a bit, then came to a conclusion... if I quit all my bisyos, mah gawd, I'd have a lot more moolah. But then, it was quickly countered by the other part of me which said... hell no. So here I am, same old, same old.

I want a Teddy BER

Eversince septemBER started, it became more difficult for me to get-up in the morning. The mornings are much cooler, but dang, the afternoons are hot, then at night, it rains, kaya pala ako nahirapan bumangon--- may sakit na siguro ako, haha.

Office hours are getting bit duller nowadays, unless of course we do our sales call or client visits, as a group, atleast we get to hang-around places. Like yesterday, we hung-out at Greenhills, oooh, and ate Krispy Kreme donuts. I think I almost died of sugar shock. The donut was excellente, but my gawd, Lisette could've sworn I was getting the chills. Haha. So sweet man.

Back to the Ber months, I wonder if people start to notice their singlehoodedness during the start of the ber months... haha, it's like how many days to christmas?? The thoughts of kissing under the mistletoe floats around the minds of those who are single... that maybe this year, is THE year. Haha.

It's all chillax in the office, since the boss isn't here and it's freakin' 16 degrees most of the time. A cup of hot coco and a good book, you're good to go... might sneak in a little nap later if indeed the boss doesn't arrive. (After 3 minutes!)

My boss is here, I gotta go. Ciao!

TS Day

After Karmella's formals, everybody headed to their espective inumans. Geleen made libre at Drew's, but apparently, the young ones were out by 9pm so we decided to just stay put at our old haunt, brothers. Anyhoot, the formals went well... after the formals was even better. Old boss and fave prof Tony, Lestowpestow, me and Drewlie met up at Brothers, which remarkably, is still open. Thank God! I love their mojos! As in love. Looooove! It was amazing, we had the same table, same people, old memories infused with fresher ones, I was pretty happy everybody was okay. Tony mentioned that the last person he drank with one on one was with JC!! Mr. Mozo!! Where's my mozow? Hehe. We were surprised at that, and more surprisingly, I thought I was the only one 
who had cut back on drinking. Apparently, everybody did, including bossing Tony.

Jedhonx followed at brothers, glad he found his way there, since it's not exactly a known drinkeedrinkee place unless you're from UP (whoops!) haha. Tony left before
Jed arrived... so we were once again 4!

There we were, drinking and laughing

Half Day

Haven't really been feeling myself lately, so I hope this break from work will do the trick. Got a half-day leave today to attend the TS formals at school. The memories! I'm all excited and can't wait for 1 pm to pack up and head out to the once familiar world of school. Of course I had to think of an excuse to get my ass outta work, so I said I needed to sign some financial documents for my past org, so they can finally get the money that's in the savings account. Which is true. So in essence, I didn't really have to make up an excuse. Here I am, just finished up a business order for an event I'm handling on Saturday... after that, freedom! Just sound tripping, all the good vibes are starting to flow back in, weee!

It has been a tradition for the Travel Society Alumni to grace the school grounds for the formal interview of its applicants. This year, it's going to be a bit different. Due to a frat-related death, tighter regulations have been insured for all formal interviews, hence, we are holding it in front of the college. Crap. So much for bringing booze. Bugger!

Anyway, I'm still waiting for Lestowpestow's reply, we're suppose to go to school together, he'll meet me at work, then off we go.

Aside from signing of financial documents, I have to ultimately say hi to Dean Cora Rodriguez, since I didn't see her last time I went to AIT. Of course, I won't miss saying hi to Tony, my fave prof! Hehe.

Cuatro. Pier 1. Good weekend.

A good weekend spent. I seriously don't know how Jed does it, but I think he can read minds or something because he certainly can read mine for that matter. I was thinking of drinking, nobody particular in mind, maybe neighbors, maybe UP friends, maybe kasins, and then, somebody read my mind. Somebody sensed I wanted to drink! Voila, Jed texts! Impeccable timing. Anyhoot, we ended up at Cuatro, with a lot of stories to tell, from the weeks gone by, pretty interesting if you ask me, haha. Redhorse was our choice of drink for the night, although the alcopop looked interesting, it looked so artificial. Drewlie follows to Cuatro, and so does Roj. So now we're four. Even invited Marko, my cousin, but alas, he couldn't make it. So when we were finally four, the conversation started to become even more interesting. From Drew's definitions of the types of homosexuals, to poppers, to Jed's love problem, Roj's job hunting. I think Drewlie doesn't believe Roj when he says he doesn't know what poppers are. The way Drew describes it, it has a very interesting effect. Hmm. I think we ended about maybe 3am or 4am... I totally lost track of time, Redhorse had done it's job perfectly. Had to sober up a bit, since I had to drive home, and drop jed off also. I though I was flying home, I think Jed was half-scared for his life haha, I mean, a half-drunk woman driving him home. I was smart enough to set my alarm even before the redhorse kicked in, so I still woke up on time for work, not, however, without a nasty hangover. I couldn't stand it so I popped a biogesic and drank some gatorade... and naturally, I was able to sneak some sleep during work, since it was a saturday and there weren't a lot of inquiries.

After getting rid of my hangover, I decided to go to Bribear's bday/despedida party at around 10pm, and I tagged Ryan along since he came from the Katips area. I didn't know a lot of Bri's friends so I think I wouldn't have attended the party by myself, hehe. It was so freakin' traffic at the ortigas-edsa intersection, grr... stoopit buses blocking the roads! I think it took us one hour to get to Pier 1 -Ortigas, well, we brought Nico home na rin anyway. If it weren't for Nico's funny comments, staying stuck in traffic would be quite an ordeal. Got to the party, I was right, I didn't know anybody but Bri. Talked a bit with Bri, reminded him of my pasalubongs, joking him about harakiri, and why the hell did he want to study again, knowing he wasn't particularly the type of person to do so in the first place. Haha. I think I just downed 4 beers, after that, steady. Ryan, 1 beer. Weee! Haha. He was never a big drinker, but I was still trying to make B.I. him nonetheless. Got home in one piece, but I think Ry was just as scared as Jed the night before, about my driving because he wasn't only in seatbelt, he was holding on to the handle-like thing just above the passenger side window. Extra safety measures.

Twas another good weekend. Weeee!

An epiphany

I don't know what hit me upon waking up this morning. All of a sudden I had the urge to clean up my room, change my bedsheets, fix my clothes, get rid of the dusty curtains... I didn't know what I was feeling. (But I knew for sure that I was thirsty and that I was analyzing some stuff from the previous 2 nights.) So, I just kept tidying up, trying to brush away particular thoughts about a certain somebody.

All of a sudden, I wanted to be a new person, I wanted to change something, something in me. It's like I had an epiphany of some sort. I realized that I wanted to change. Somewhat. I wanted to open myself up again, to feeling, of which most of the time I end up denying, and eventually losing. But I don't know if I'm up for it, as in really up for it. For the first time in a lot of months, I think I'm starting to get the jitters. Well, that's what you get when you try something out of curiosity, thinking that it wouldn't matter anyway, and then it freakin' backfires. I'm not saying it's a bad kinda backfire thing. I tried to pass something out as a casual comment, then the reply I got shockingly made sense. And then, as much as I remain an unassuming person most of the time, it's pretty challenging to remain like that when all the facts are laid out infront of you, right? Haha. All of a sudden I was transported to that day I realized that I think I liked a certain somebody. We were drinking beer, consoling a friend, offering advice--- then it hit me, we agreed on everything. He understood my points, I understood his. We wanted the same things, we believed in the same things. Now that made me think a bit. And then poof!

So this morning, I finally gained my thinking back, since I woke-up with no hang-over, and I think my alcohol level went back to normal. I wonder if it's a good thing though hehe. So am thinking, I want to somehow change my ways, and how I maintain my relationships with guys as purely platonic, most of the time for that matter, part of the reason for my jitters was because this person in my mind, is a pretty good person, and decent person one too, plus he gets along with everybody, one on one inumans never turn out to be boring, and he has a way with words, the kicker is we get each others humor and it's not difficult to turn into my other beesh persona with him. Plus, Drew, in fairness to him, has seen my share of boylets, and only one has ever really made an effort to strike up an interesting conversation with him, hence getting the okay sign from Drewlie.

Anyway, enough for one day. Time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

B!tch Boredom

I do not get why some girls out there use the word bitch to pertain to themselves, without having the necessary attitude to be called one. Do they think it's hot? I mean, if you are a bitch, make sure that you act like one and not use the term just so you can be "hot"/"in"/"cool". And, it has to be bestowed upon you by people who think you are one. It is not a self-proclaimed title. It is earned.

Case and point: A person who I knew from college keeps referring to herself as a bitch, I choose not to include exact phrases here because that person might see it. In college, we started being beeshes because we were. This girl was a sweetie type, ribbons on her head, always girly... And now, when we left, there was a freakin' new breed left a the tambayan. She's a bitch-wannabe. I mean, appearance alone won't merit the title. Let alone her facial expressions. Even in the way she talks, man, not even an ounce a bitch.

Okay, I admit I'm bored. I miss my beesh. I miss bitchin' with her, bitchin' about girls like her, who are bitch-wannabes.

This it it!!!(?)

Is it really official? I am actually graduating? I can't believe how 5 years can go by so fast... (1 year in dlsu and 4 years in UP) surreal... so surreal. Like I'm not going to be worrying about enroling and getting the subjects I need for the following sem, thesis, group work, case studies, org stuff, my gawd. This is it. It's official as Jaybee would say. And this time, it really is.

Fast forward... April 19--- college graduation... everyone of course broke the dress code heehee. But I have to say, everybody looked fab. Another grad this sunday, the univ grad... I think we get medals now.

I can't sleep. I wish I could but I don't feel sleepy at all.

My short break from reality

At 2pm today, I knew I needed to get out. I needed some stress release. I needed some time away from home and school. I invited my friend Roj to watch a movie with me, since he watched 300 already, I couldn't drag him to see it again... so we watched "The Pathfinder". It's a good movie, but gory. Think: Vikings. Ruthless killer. Savages. But anyhoot, I thought I was going to be relaxed but the fight scenes were a bit bothersome at times and there were a lot of twist and turns... I swear, I kept putting my hands to my mouth to keep from gasping. Roj on the other made funny comments, kept me entertained as well and did his signature german/british and arnold voice... hilarious!

Well, it was a change of scenery and all, which was refreshing. I just needed that. Plus, I enjoyed. The company, the viking movie... and a fastfood dinner at Mcdo... (sorry to roj, he was hinting he wanted hot shots)I said a place that serves dessert. As stress prevents me from eating cos I feel weird, like I wanna throw up. It's the feeling of uneasiness combined with pressure and stress... so I just eat light and go for dessert.

I'm starting to feel better. It's a nice change. Roj is actually really a monster in disguise, he's not really human... his blood composition is basically 60% alcohol and 40% music. On better days he seems human (if you disregard the wacky, very wacky voices he does) and on days when his alco level is up... that's another story... Heehee.

I like people who can make me laugh or smile. It brings a certain lightness to any crappy day. So find people who can make you laugh, they're assets, believe me.

Zboy and his doggie heaven

Not all blog entries are happy, frustrating, crazy or funny. This one's sad.

Came home from my drinking "stress release" sesh early this morning to find one of my dogs peacefully sleeping. He had been shivering when I last saw him this morning... Mom covered him in a blankie. But when I saw him last, he was covered in his blankie... he slipped quietly away just in a span of 2 hours when nobody was with him. Apparently, I arrived. I saw him. I called out to him, but he didn't move. I went to the dogs den, I petted him, no response. Getting desperate, I gently shook him while saying his name repeatedly... he was stiff. He was cold. I cried... zboy... I kept saying, as if to wake him up. It seemed so surreal. Draco, our other boy dog was sick too apparently, but the girl dogs, Luna and Cassie, they were fine. I knew Zboy was gone, I cried and kissed him goodbye. And I went to my parents room... all I said was "Mom---" then I cried. I couldn't talk. I cried. My Mom embraced me, herself crying. I uttered... Zboy's dead. He's dead. We all went down, and cried. I even woke my sis up to tell her that our beloved Zboy passed away. My other sister arrived at 4.30 am... and upon learning the news when she arrived, she cried too. Zboy was her dog. Zboy was my fave dog from his litter. He was the one I named. He was the one I used to bring up to room to sleep beside me on my bed. I remember, when he'd used to get scared (a lotta times really), he'd hug my leg, standing up, his hind legs supporting him, while his front legs clamped on my leg. Sometimes, when I'd get home "early" in the morning half drunk, or just plain stressed, I'd lie down on the floor and zboy and draco would lie beside me.

I didn't sleep, I watched over Draco with Mom until 8am. I was awake for 24 hours already. I had no appetite, I just wanted to lie down and cry. I kept remembering my beloved Zboy. I haven't smiled today. I feel tired. I feel weak.

Sometimes, there are events that you never expect to happen. The effect is devastating. You just have to deal with it. I have to deal with my grief. All I pray for now is for him to be in doggie heaven, where he will never be scared again.

Ees ofeeshal, aym goween crazee!

If you think thesis draft deadline is bad enough, it being tom. Add an exam, also scheduled for tom. I think I'm losing it. I can barely think, let alone process the data I gathered for my thesis. This is too much. When I think about the week that lies ahead... I don't know how I'll manage. I have 2 exams and our poster presentation/defense. Gawd, taking 21 units this sem is definitely taking its toll on me. I'm thinking of ways on how to relieve stress. I can't cry because no tears flow, I can't scream because I'm not mad or frustrated, I can't sleep because I'm too preoccupied, I can't even eat, because I've lost my appetite. My yin-yang is all jumbled up!

Sometimes, I want to just space out. Get lost in a world of endless dreams. But I know, this too shall pass. This burden, it shall pass. Unfortunately, I gotta pass before it passes. Haha.

I'm really losing it. Maybe I need sleep, I got only 3 hours of sleep last night/morning. It's that bad. Sooner or later I'm just going collapse. I've lost my enthusiasm. It has been replaced by dread. Stress. Fatigue.

Worse part? I'm in it alone. I don't like ranting to other people anymore, because if I did that I'd be ranting my ass off every single day. I just sit here, type away, silent, listening to music... repeating "This too shall pass" in my already burned brain cells. My only solace is when I sleep. Because when I sleep, I do nothing but dream. I don't have to think so hard. I just have to let myself go to sleep then everything just flows from there. Then I wake up, I remember the things I have to do. I have to find some kind of divine intervention to give me back my enthusiasm, now replaced with a perpetual snappy schizo woman.

I'm done with my drama. I'm going back to doing my thesis. I haven't got a choice in this matter really. I do want to graduate. Therefore I have to accomplish my thesis. I sound mechanical don't I?

I look forward to getting some sleep. At least there's no thesis in the land of dreams.

Mock Conversation with LOVE

Am I a hopeless romantic? A romantic yes, but hopeless? I never really search for that elusive thing we call love. Actually, it's not as elusive as people think. It's just there, somewhere, ready to pop out and say surprise with a big fat grin on it's face.

Our conversation would go something like this:

(L for Love and M for Me)

L: Surpriiiiiise!!!! (Grins)
M: Mehn, I thought I escaped you the last time, now you're here again...
L: You're such a hopeless romantic.
M: Not that hopeless, I'm just trying to figure out a plan...
L: There you go with plans again, it doesn't work that way with me, silly
M: You're stike 3 and more with me already, you've got wrong timing
L: You just refuse
M: Refuse, hell yes, you know what happens when I let myself go.
L: I do, and I would love to see that again.
M: You know I can control myself most of the time. I can hold back.
L: ...Then think about it a bazillion times, whether you should have been more honest about what you felt.
M: You know me, and you know me well. If only loving didn't come end with so much pain.
L: Oh don't give me that. You expect it to be that easy? That simple? Loving is loving, pain is an expression of the heart when it loses something so precious that it finds hard to let go.
M: I don't want to have to bother myself with such torment while I'm taking 21 units in school, plus I'm graduating. I'm scared to feel such intense pain, I just might go poof! Then pass out on the floor or something. It's enough stress as it is.
L: It's a choice. I'm just here.
M: I know you are.
L: Always.
M: You know what?
L: I know.
M: How'd you know what I was thinking?
L: I'm love, I may not be a mind- reader, but I can feel your thoughts and emotions.
M: Feel ei?
L: I know you want to fall in-love. You want to give your love to somebody worth it.
M: Exactly.
L: You're aware that when you say somebody worth it, that's by your standards. Even if the person is imperfect, he still can be worth it.
M: Can you love a person you're not supposed to love? (I bring my face closer to love, and I still fail to see love's face... maybe love has no face... no concrete form)
L: That sounds cliche to me. But yes, it's always a choice. And there are corresponding consequences.
M: Crap. I knew it. As always. Karma.
L: Love is a serious matter.
M: (I roll my eyes) I know.
L: That's why you keep postponing it. Somehow, I think you're crazy but atleast you take me seriously.
M: I do. That's why I don't commit when I know I won't be serious.
L: I get you.
M: Alright. I'm getting all emo here. Why don't you lurk around first, I think I'm about to give in to you soon.
L: I'm keeping my hopes up, even if the person you're thinking of isn't the perfect candidate.
M: Don't judge me. You're not supposed to be judgemental LOVE! But for the record, I know. That's why I am thinking about it.
L: I'll be here. Lurking around. Call me if and when you're ready.
M: Yea yea yea... later... maybe later...

-END-

Pre-Hell Week

With thesis deadline looming ahead, I gotta FOCUS! I've been distracted lately. Apparently, I have been PMS-ing a lot. But that's over. I've been feeling much better. My monday was crappy, tuesday well, I attended all my classes, wednesday, did our group paper for our business policy class, thursday skipped my PI 100 class and Friday, narcoleptic during geology... was prepping myself for a stressful weekend yesterday, had a quick beer because I needed to pick my sis up at school. Saturday? Good news, thesis draft is due on the 15th instead of the 12th. Yes.

Actually, underneath it all, I was really miserable to begin with. I pissed off somebody I cared about because I was having a crappy monday. I apologized in the evening. We spoke briefly and he made me realize something, he was right. I hurt him even if he hasn't done anything to hurt me. Plus, I didn't know he was sick... and stressed, and that I was adding to his stress, so I was extra guilty. I guess I'm a bit selfish sometimes. My friend didn't even talk to me until today. I asked him if he was still mad at me, he said he wasn't mad, he was pissed. But after he explained some stuff... I couldn't utter a word, because everything he said was right. I hate it sometimes when I know I'm wrong and the other person is right. But that's life. ADAM B. Anger Denial Acceptance Moving on B!atch!

So there, now I feel a bit better. And I feel a bit silly too. I did that? My gawd! Reality Bites. Poof!

Questions that need answers!

Questions to answer when feeling blue, bored, sleepy, weepy, etc. This is the time to answer truthfully. Because if you don't then there's no purpose answering it.


1. Single or Taken: I think I'm single...

2. Happy about: being alive and blessed with a lot of good things

3. Siblings: 3 (Kaye, Amanda and Karlo)

4. Eye color: black

5. shoe size: 9 (bigfoot)

6. Height: 5'2" (I think so)

7. What are you wearing right now? Shorts and a pink tee.

8. Righty or lefty: Righty. Though I wish could be ambidextrose.

9. Can you make a dollar in change right now: That's like 50 bucks right, yeah, lotsa coins here

10. Best place to go for a date: I like Rockwell, after dinner you can walk around... plus not a lot
of people.

=FAVORITES=

11. Kind of pants: as long as it is stretch and hip hugging

12. Number: 13 (that was my varsity football number)

13. Animals: Dogs and Cats. If you don't like them, don't come to my house.

14. Drink(non alcoholic): Sorry, it's plural for me, decaf/regular iced caramel macchiato non-fat milk, toffee nut latte, signature iced choco with a shot of mint and iced chai tea latte. Yeah baby!

15. Sport to watch: On tv? Gymnastics, ice skating (they both fascinate me!) but usually it's tennis or basketball (UAAP). If live, UAAP basketball

16. Month: I was born August but I'd say December cos it's christmas break, plus you get money too!

17. Juice: Guava juice from starbucks

18. Favorite cartoon character: Asterix (Do people still know him?)

=Have You Ever...=

19. Given anyone a bath: yeah, heehee

20. Made yourself throw-up? yes, when I feel dizzy lying down in bed after a drinking sesh, gotta get it out of my system!

21. Gone skinny dipping? Nope but I'd like too, in some secluded island in Palawan

22. Eaten a dog? Wouldn't dream of it.

23. Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes. We all have those moments.

24. Broken a bone? Nope

25. Played truth or dare? That's passe! "I've never..." is the new drinking game!

26. Been on a plane? Yeah, I was even left by one. Poo!

27. Came close to dying? When I couldn't breathe because of the pain in my chest when my ex and I broke-up. Ooh drama...

28. Been in a sauna? At PCA and at a spa

29. Been in a hotub? Yes, when I want to relax... I get my aromatherapy burning and my strawberry bubble bath and a book

30. Swam in the ocean? You mean like open sea ocean? No. But the sea, yes.

31. Fallen asleep in school? Always. Doesn't matter if I'm in front. I am ruthless. I am narcoleptic when the clock strikes 2:30PM

32. Ran away? Thought of it.

33. Broken someone's heart? Yes.

34. Cried when someone died? Yes. Grandparents, a tito and a cousin. I'm emotional.

35. Cried in school? Yes. A lot of times.

36. Fell off your chair? Nope.

37. Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yeah, in my younger days, but I don't remember who I was waiting for.

38.Saved AIM conversations? Nowp... not my thing

39. Made out with JUST a friend? Yes. Nothing really wrong with that. Unless your friend has a girlfriend.

40. Used someone? Nope. But I do get my way.

41. Been cheated on? Yah, my 1st boyfriend, but we were going to break up na rin so it didn't matter. He admitted it to me when he wanted to get back with me, he wanted to be honest.

=What is...=

42. Your good luck charm? My religious gold necklace from Mom

43. New fav. song? Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani feat. Akon

44. What is beside you? My work table with my coffee (in my personalized starbucks tumbler of course!) and my cell phones.

45. Last thing you ate? Chicharon. Yum.

46. What kind of shampoo/conditioner: Head and Shoulders, the pink one. But I alternate shampoos to prevent build-up in my hair. So I have beer shampoo from watsons, coconut shampoo and an organic bar shampoo I bought at Tiendesitas

=Ever Had..=

47. Chicken pox: Yep, when I was a kid

48. Sore Throat: Yeah, even a mild case of tonsilitis.

49. Stitches: Don't think so.

50. Broken nose: Nowp

=Do You...=

51. Believe in love at first sight? I want to but I'm half skeptic about that

52. Long distant relationships? on my part, yes. I'm a very loyal person.

53. Like school? Hell yeah!

54. Question? Yes, when I am all fired up!

55. Who was the last person that called you? My sis Amanda, when we were in the grocery, she
was asking which aisle I was in.

56. Who was the last person you slowdanced with? Roj I think, out of fun

57. Who makes you smile the most? Somebody who says something to make my day

58. Who knows you the best? Martha and Jaybee

59. Do you like filling these out: Yes. Yes. Yes.

60. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: I wear contacts because I lost my nice italian glasses

61. Do you like yourself: Yes.

62. Do you get along with your family? Yep, love them to bits

=Are You...=

63. Obsessive Compulsive? depends what we're talking about here

64. Suicidal? Nope. No reason to be.

65. What did you do yesterday? Paid my globe bill, went to the grocery, and cooked clam chowder!

66. Hated someone in your life? hate is a strong word. Maybe disliked somebody. Yes. Many times.

Thesis Shmesis

I miss my i-pod. All 20 gigs of it. The songs I used to play. Its pink and black tattoo. All my pictures. All gone. That's just one of my drama moments.

Now, on a lazy sunday afternoon, I sit here, thinking of so many things. I can't pinpoint anything in particular. Maybe I am just pms-ing.

Here I am, transcribing my interview with the Boracay Tropics Resort Manager I interviewed when I went to Bora. This is harder than I thought. It's like crunch time already... thesis draft is due soon, and I just started processing my data. Poof!

What escape is there? None. A month to go.

And I'm leaving on a jet plane--- no, wait! I'm not on it!!!

"How am I supposed to go home???" I said to the clerk in the check-in counter. Apparently, I got there 35 minutes before my flight and so they gave up my seat. F*ckers! Partly my fault too. I guess the sunday afternoon flight was in-demand. So there, I was a "no show" passenger.

It's a long story but here's the gist:
I got left behind. Reserved another ticket for Monday morning, I really had to get home on Monday because of a 230pm exam. I stayed for 1 night in Kalibo because that flight I missed was the last cebu pacific flight, 4.30pm. So, I had to look for the nearest hotel, and thank God I found one. Super. I stayed at La Esperanza Hotel, Kalibo. Then, I woke up bright and early and got to the airport even before the ticketing office opened. I couldn't take anymore chances or my Dad would have really gotten upset.

Imagine, after my very happy and jolly entry in my blog, I get left behind. Poof! I tried to stay sane, called my friends, my friends called me... man, it was like some kind of nightmare from hell. Never thought it could happen to me. And it did! I have never felt braver in my life, talking to strangers and all. Thank God everybody was so nice. Totally.

Feels like home!

Outside, the sun shines brightly, the sea is colored shades of blue. I'm here at an internet cafe in Bora... just took a break to check my savings account hehe, you never know when poverty will strike, heehee. Anyway, so far so good. I visited Fairways last night and said hi to those co-workers of mine who were doing the PM shift (FYI, that's 2pm-10pm)... and I saw Roy. He looked the same but better. I tried not to stare, but man, he is HOT! Burning! I was a raving lunatic who couldn't contain herself when I faced my roommates.. MAHGAWD!!!!Then hopped to that mongolian resto in front of the Sun Village. Chilled out for awhile with the boys... the music, the whole chillax vibe is coming back to me. This is it! I'm home!

I was all giddy and googly-eyed when I was on the boat to Cagban, the port of Bora. I couldn't believe it, I was back after almost a year... it feels so good, so right... so wonderful... gawd, if I could be an island girl all over again for two months! I think I've uncovered the mystery of why Jaybe and I didn't get fat in Bora inspite of the lifestyle we had (booze, jonah's shakes, booze, late nights, food, food, booze, fairway's milk, coffee, cheese pancakes, extra food...). For one, we were "working". At least pretending to work uom, 50% of the time, because the other half of the time we'd be at our fave hang-outs, the back of the kitchen and the "ice box" room of thebar and the side of the bar. Second, we walked a lot, partied a lot and other extra curricular activities that'll make you burn those calories. Third, there's no mcdo or jollibee here, you have to travel to the mainland to get those "luxuries". Yah, that's about it.

Anyway, I'm logging out already, my time's almost up. I'm going to go back walking and parading along the beach, oogling eyes following me... thanks to that added sexiness of a fine bead belt which my partner in crime gave me... ahluvyoubeesh!!!

Daydreaming

There is a woman, lying on the fine white sand still. She seems as if she were in some kind of trance. Just like the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, its rhythm slowly enveloping her being. The sand reflects like tiny diamonds on her loose hair, golden strands of her fine hair make her look like a goddess... her skin glistens with droplets of sea water waiting to be brought up into the sky by the sun's rays. Her face is tranquil, her lips are slightly dry from heat and the breeze. Half-buried beside her is an empty bottle of beer.

That will be me in a few days when I make another journey to a place I love, Boracay. My mind is so not immersed in school. In fact, I daydream of the glistening shore, the white sand, skimboarding and the sunset there. I'm trying to study for my business policy class, it's our exam tomorrow. It's a vain attempt really, but I might as well say I tried. I look at the clock, wishing it were friday afternoon already... I'd be boarding my flight, smiling and all giddy with excitement. I'm going back to a place I love... not even a year has passed since I last stepped foot on my beloved island. Can't wait anymore. I can't wait any longer. Paradise shouldn't be made to wait.