An epiphany

I don't know what hit me upon waking up this morning. All of a sudden I had the urge to clean up my room, change my bedsheets, fix my clothes, get rid of the dusty curtains... I didn't know what I was feeling. (But I knew for sure that I was thirsty and that I was analyzing some stuff from the previous 2 nights.) So, I just kept tidying up, trying to brush away particular thoughts about a certain somebody.

All of a sudden, I wanted to be a new person, I wanted to change something, something in me. It's like I had an epiphany of some sort. I realized that I wanted to change. Somewhat. I wanted to open myself up again, to feeling, of which most of the time I end up denying, and eventually losing. But I don't know if I'm up for it, as in really up for it. For the first time in a lot of months, I think I'm starting to get the jitters. Well, that's what you get when you try something out of curiosity, thinking that it wouldn't matter anyway, and then it freakin' backfires. I'm not saying it's a bad kinda backfire thing. I tried to pass something out as a casual comment, then the reply I got shockingly made sense. And then, as much as I remain an unassuming person most of the time, it's pretty challenging to remain like that when all the facts are laid out infront of you, right? Haha. All of a sudden I was transported to that day I realized that I think I liked a certain somebody. We were drinking beer, consoling a friend, offering advice--- then it hit me, we agreed on everything. He understood my points, I understood his. We wanted the same things, we believed in the same things. Now that made me think a bit. And then poof!

So this morning, I finally gained my thinking back, since I woke-up with no hang-over, and I think my alcohol level went back to normal. I wonder if it's a good thing though hehe. So am thinking, I want to somehow change my ways, and how I maintain my relationships with guys as purely platonic, most of the time for that matter, part of the reason for my jitters was because this person in my mind, is a pretty good person, and decent person one too, plus he gets along with everybody, one on one inumans never turn out to be boring, and he has a way with words, the kicker is we get each others humor and it's not difficult to turn into my other beesh persona with him. Plus, Drew, in fairness to him, has seen my share of boylets, and only one has ever really made an effort to strike up an interesting conversation with him, hence getting the okay sign from Drewlie.

Anyway, enough for one day. Time to catch up on some much needed sleep.