And I'm leaving on a jet plane--- no, wait! I'm not on it!!!

"How am I supposed to go home???" I said to the clerk in the check-in counter. Apparently, I got there 35 minutes before my flight and so they gave up my seat. F*ckers! Partly my fault too. I guess the sunday afternoon flight was in-demand. So there, I was a "no show" passenger.

It's a long story but here's the gist:
I got left behind. Reserved another ticket for Monday morning, I really had to get home on Monday because of a 230pm exam. I stayed for 1 night in Kalibo because that flight I missed was the last cebu pacific flight, 4.30pm. So, I had to look for the nearest hotel, and thank God I found one. Super. I stayed at La Esperanza Hotel, Kalibo. Then, I woke up bright and early and got to the airport even before the ticketing office opened. I couldn't take anymore chances or my Dad would have really gotten upset.

Imagine, after my very happy and jolly entry in my blog, I get left behind. Poof! I tried to stay sane, called my friends, my friends called me... man, it was like some kind of nightmare from hell. Never thought it could happen to me. And it did! I have never felt braver in my life, talking to strangers and all. Thank God everybody was so nice. Totally.

Feels like home!

Outside, the sun shines brightly, the sea is colored shades of blue. I'm here at an internet cafe in Bora... just took a break to check my savings account hehe, you never know when poverty will strike, heehee. Anyway, so far so good. I visited Fairways last night and said hi to those co-workers of mine who were doing the PM shift (FYI, that's 2pm-10pm)... and I saw Roy. He looked the same but better. I tried not to stare, but man, he is HOT! Burning! I was a raving lunatic who couldn't contain herself when I faced my roommates.. MAHGAWD!!!!Then hopped to that mongolian resto in front of the Sun Village. Chilled out for awhile with the boys... the music, the whole chillax vibe is coming back to me. This is it! I'm home!

I was all giddy and googly-eyed when I was on the boat to Cagban, the port of Bora. I couldn't believe it, I was back after almost a year... it feels so good, so right... so wonderful... gawd, if I could be an island girl all over again for two months! I think I've uncovered the mystery of why Jaybe and I didn't get fat in Bora inspite of the lifestyle we had (booze, jonah's shakes, booze, late nights, food, food, booze, fairway's milk, coffee, cheese pancakes, extra food...). For one, we were "working". At least pretending to work uom, 50% of the time, because the other half of the time we'd be at our fave hang-outs, the back of the kitchen and the "ice box" room of thebar and the side of the bar. Second, we walked a lot, partied a lot and other extra curricular activities that'll make you burn those calories. Third, there's no mcdo or jollibee here, you have to travel to the mainland to get those "luxuries". Yah, that's about it.

Anyway, I'm logging out already, my time's almost up. I'm going to go back walking and parading along the beach, oogling eyes following me... thanks to that added sexiness of a fine bead belt which my partner in crime gave me... ahluvyoubeesh!!!

Daydreaming

There is a woman, lying on the fine white sand still. She seems as if she were in some kind of trance. Just like the sound of the waves lapping on the shore, its rhythm slowly enveloping her being. The sand reflects like tiny diamonds on her loose hair, golden strands of her fine hair make her look like a goddess... her skin glistens with droplets of sea water waiting to be brought up into the sky by the sun's rays. Her face is tranquil, her lips are slightly dry from heat and the breeze. Half-buried beside her is an empty bottle of beer.

That will be me in a few days when I make another journey to a place I love, Boracay. My mind is so not immersed in school. In fact, I daydream of the glistening shore, the white sand, skimboarding and the sunset there. I'm trying to study for my business policy class, it's our exam tomorrow. It's a vain attempt really, but I might as well say I tried. I look at the clock, wishing it were friday afternoon already... I'd be boarding my flight, smiling and all giddy with excitement. I'm going back to a place I love... not even a year has passed since I last stepped foot on my beloved island. Can't wait anymore. I can't wait any longer. Paradise shouldn't be made to wait.

Toxicity and KARmA

"There is no medicine for insecurity"...

If there were, I'd go ballistic as I wouldn't have anything or maybe anybody to actually comment about haha... anyhoot, I often say that to my girl-friends whose boyfriends are uber paranoid. I know these girls, and I know their hearts, and a bit of what's in their heads, we think alike, except maybe I'm wilder but other than that, we are on the same plane.

Let's talk about Riz and her boyfriend VJ. I love Riz so much I am accepting VJ, not that it's such a biggie or anything. The guy whines, complains and is petty. Not-so-good. Atleast for me that is. Fine, he has some good traits (I mean no girl would fall naman for a guy who had no good traits whatsoever). But I am just a friend who comprehends, but that doesn't mean I have to like the entire situation right? I am entitled still to my own gawdforsaken opinions. Besides, before I feel that negative vibe, I back it up with proof of course (hell yeah!).

Evidences:
1. He traveled a gazillion miles just to beg Riz back-sweet. But, then drags his sis to our org concert to serve as a buffer zone, so atleast he won't be spurned---so not cool.
2. Visits Riz at her pad before he even goes home- the effort. But, bangs his head on the wall and says I can't live without you with matching tears, that must be the kicker.
3. We have a drinking sesh at Riz's pad, I am of course the 5th wheel... so I chat up the people, swap stories and mention Riz's work friend Mark, we're all cool. But, the boyfriend gets all petty and brings his can of beer out and smokes alone. So I am like, is it me? I'm the only addition to this party! I'm so sorry. (But deep inside, I'm like, screw you man!) So being the nice and concerned friend I go out and smoke a bit and ask the dude if he's alright. Yes, DAW.
4. I see Riz and we re-live the story of that night (FYI, it was her bday!), but I get like bummed out about her boyfriend's reason for whining during the said night, because of MARK! I mean, my gawd! Imah smack the dude!

So if I see him, I will continue to be the good friend I am to Riz, but I don't have to really pay attention to THE boyfriend ;p

My Bff (best friends forever excuse-moi!) is beautiful, simple and a tad bit shy. Can't really gauge things and she isn't exactly the expert on good conversations. So here I am playing Dr. Love (I swear, people should start paying me!). The root of all her "woes" would probably be her insecurity. She had a very very very long hiatus on dating and she's not exactly a person who gets to hang-out with so much testosterone on a daily basis, so here I am, giving her the dibs on everything.

I helped her with her man, Hans. And this Hans is a pretty

smart-macho-inconsistent-egotistic-playing-safe-mature-but-childish-a-bit-horny-am-too-good-for-girls-sort-of-a-player DUDE. Dingdong. It's a bit much for Tin, so we analyze the situation together.

My Tips?

1. Chill. Chill. And Chill. Play it cool, keep it cool.

2. We know he is worth something, but sweetie, you are worth more.

3. We are goddesses, he is a mere mortal. Worship us now.

4. Blow him off--- sometimes. Pooof!

5. Be witty, funny and sassy. Everybody loves to get that good vibe.

6. Sincerely and subtely hint that you do care. Atleast that much he knows.

7. Be positive. So what if he doesn't reply?

8. Love yourself.

9. If he does something way off, punish. Punish. Punish. You get it.

10. Be cautious. Falling in-love is out of this world, but watch the signs closely. We don't want a meteor hitting the earth hard causing devastating effects on mankind, if you know what I mean.

And so far so good. She's now doing great on her own. And I think she's getting there, an arms length to being in control of the situation. Shall I say, the reversal of fortunes (now wasn't that a movie??). She's hotter than ever and ready to burn down the house, hehe. Hail to my BFF!

It's official: You are back on track!

Maybe I should have gotten a degree in Psych. I deal so well with people, and I've always been dubbed the "sage" of the barkada (uom, sorry, I think I'm boasting here, haha), eversince HS. And now I'm in college, people do confide in me. It's a bit draining sometimes, but it's kinda like a noble thing to do. No greater satisfaction fills me when I see a friend I helped, feeling better. Besides, I think it's good karma. I am a believer of Karma. Take away the M and it spells KARA. Oohh, that's me!!! Okay, corny. Heehee. But yeah, I believe in karma. I mean my classic example is.. I don't play around, I don't fool guys, I tell them head-on when I know their chances are nil with me... it's all so tempting to play around but Karma really prevents me from doing so. And of course, the fact is that most guys are my friends so I wouldn't want to really ruin the friendship. (Did that sound just showbizzy??)

I believe in KARMA. What comes around goes around. Who knows, maybe in my next life I'll be...uom... human again I guess... or maybe a demi-goddess... the goddess of love hopefully, that sounds good to me.

Demi-Goddess Karamiaw

(actually, that's just halloween... that's kinda like my trojan goddess get up.)

With all the "karmic" forces in play...

What do you think you'll be in your next life?

That indeed is something to ponder about. Heehee.

Not dazed but confused: It's just me

Here I am, still muthfuckeen lazy. I'm trying not to think so much. But here I am, still hooked up on Michelle Branch's song " Breathe", can't get over it. I'm going through another "Am-I-inlove-phase"? Sometimes, I don't understand myself anymore. I feel as if there's like an unexplainable perpetual raincloud over my head... but here's the catch, it ain't raining, honey. Downright weird. Sometimes I blame it on the weather (btw, it's the perfect excuse to snuggle) and the Valentines air (Lo and behold, it's that time of the year!). But really, it's just me. I'm smitten. And I'm dating. And I'm not smitten with the person am dating but rather somebody who's my friend. Weird? Yah. I hope this'll pass. In the mean time, I want some hot chocklit. And some loving too.

Drunken Lovin

I spent saturday night at home, watching the lifestyle channel (ch.47 on sky, must see for all ye suzy homemakers, divas, fashionistas and whatever the hell you are, I swear I love it!!!) and texting Jaybee, my beloved partner-in-crime... well, you know me, I love my friends and I really want to help out in anyway I can. Jaybs and I were texting, love problems it seems are so in nowadays, is it because Valentines is nearing? Which reminds me... do I even have a date? Or am I stag this year? Okay, no more of that. Relationships are actually more difficult than we think. Sometimes, we dive into it blindly, maybe it's romantic to be risky and spontaneous, but camohn, there's more to that. Live with the decisions you make, don't go crawling under a rock when you don't want it anymore. It's always a choice. A Choice. So if that's what you chose, live up to it. But if you know that it's so not working anymore, be brave to say it out loud. Whining is excusable the first 5 times but after that, you have to really do something about it. That's part of the lecture I gave Jaybee. I know she'll understand what I'm saying.

I guess after a night of hopping from place to place, and then not getting enough sleep... it's inevitable that my saturday night turned out to be a sleepy lazy night. It seems to me that Friday night was adequate to cover the fun for the whole weekend. I snuggled into my warm comforter and then slowly drifted off to dreamland.

Friday night started out with drinking at Dencio's Ayala Heights (I love their sisig!! and once again, Lesto ordered pancit ligaya/happiness) until 10PM, I was with my Travel Society orgmates Lester, Dane, Jaybee, Drew and our prof Tony getting a few drinks after school. Then after that me, Dane and Drew hopped over to Ipanema, Eastwood at the Chill party of Alpha Sigma, the grand archon is Alpha, an orgmate too... Jane, Renze and Stagholder President Neil with fellow stagholder JP, Mr. Mozo (one wink for you JC!) were there already when we arrived. So we drank a couple of mixes, gawd knows what's in them (didn't bother to ask) but my gut tells me there was gin somewhere in there as I got tipsy after 3 glasses (combined with vitamin sticks of marlboro menthol lights), I mean, I did drink before I got to Ipanema. I did a little dancing with Neil, and was being checked out by the cute chinito at his back. I just smiled anyway. I saw my LCF orgmates too, sacrebleu!!! Haha. I just said hi and kinda chilled... I haven't been active since last sem as 21 units has been my priority, and another 21 units this sem is once again eating my precious time. So I went back to the table outside, started to smoke and chat with people, then I saw a long time crush. Actually, when I see him, I remember him, haha. He was still hot and who knew, Jane knew the guy. So when Jane went dancing inside with his groupie, she called me and introduced me, and she was like, she knows your brother. Haha. I'm like hell yah. He is way cuter then his younger brother.

Out of the blue I remember my good friend Roj. I was happy that he forgave me for that stupid missent text message that was supposed to be for Jaybs. Anyway, Dane was such a friend when he accompanied me when I had to leave, so I offered to buy him KFC because I was getting hungry. Dane made sure I was safe and boarded, bid toodles to him and off to Roj's place. I just had the urge to see him, I mean I was on a roll! And besides, I half-promised myself that if I did hang with him I'd stay off late night gimmiks in the next few days. So I called Roj and begged him not to sleep yet. Thank gawd when I got to his place he was still up. I even saw his sister, and his brother. I mean, you gotta give me credit for the effort of going to his house at 2am in the morning just see if we were really okay. I mean, sure I could talk to him on my cellphone but who knows, he might be making faces or something. Haha. That's me being uber paranoid. So there, I saw him, talked to him... I threw all the sweet gestures away because actually, I don't know. Maybe I was scared that I ruined something and I didn't know where to place myself anymore. But I did hold his cheek (it's like an aww moment, I really wanted to hold him, feel him, I wanted to feel my emotions through him). And gave him a hug before I left... sadly, that hug was half-hearted on my part because by the end of the night (ehm morning?), I really didn't know where to place myself anymore.

When I left I felt a sigh of relief. But at the back of my mind, I secretly hoped that everything would still be the same. I have never felt so stupid in my life. I love my friend a lot, and to do something like that, I'm glad he dealt with it really well.

So here I am, on a sunday morning, recalling the events of past nights, I would never trade anything in this world for that quick gentle touch on his face. I felt something inside of me stir, an emotion, a sad feeling... like nothing's ever going to be the same again between us.

I'm so sick of love songs- Ne-Yo

So I am screaming my lungs out singing old love songs. I'm such a sucker for them. And I am on ym... ym-ing with Jed (he's got the cutest little YM picture >>> ), one of the few new manila neighbors I know. We're now talking about food since it's supposed to be dinner time and here we are typing away... well, dinner's always late for the both of us. And i just told him about the isaw stand not being there anymore, the one near the ilang-ilang dorm. I think he felt sad. Actually, I don't know where the hell the isaw stand went. I mean, they have the best isaw in UP!

I've now switched my i-tunes to Gin Blossoms. And man, I miss my i-pod. All 20 gigs of it. It conked out on me and it's expensive to have it fixed. My savings would've dried up. Or maybe turned negative. Bummer. So here I am, with an mp3 player from my mom, one of those extras lying around the house, well, better one than none.

Hey Jealousy is a favorite, as well as Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's somewhere between chill and rock, I don't know, is that alternative? But I like the way it sounds, heck I can do a paper while listening to the Gin Blossoms album. Anyhoot, I'm getting hungry. Should I eat or should I eat? Whoops. I must be that hungry. Ciao!

Breathe

Can't get over Michelle Branch's song, Breathe. I just love it. It echoes everything I am feeling right now.

If I just breathe (chill!)
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright
If I just breathe

All the talks are overrated (are we running out of things to talk about?)
You're not sayin' how you feel (only hinting, but that's not enough)
So you end up watchin' chances fade (I'm not waiting that long.)
And wonderin' what's real

And I give it just a little time (Waiting a bit, fine)
I wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes (I want to see that look, you know the look you give when you realize something deep and intense has overcome you)

The blue text are my comments and are not part of the song, nor am I trying to alter the song.

There's somebody I like. I'm smitten. I wish I wasn't. But I think I am. Well, the tell-tale signs are:
I smile when he texts me.
I miss him when I don't see him.
I like putting my chin on his back while watching a band play.
I attend his gigs.

I am in big trouble.

Ooh, and... I don't know what possessed me but I started getting mushy and stuff.
But I'll put it here in french and just try to figure it out. I swear. It's sweet.

Vous me permettre d'aimer. Vous savez ce serez bien.
Tout lâcher et vous permet de sent la chaleur de mon étreinte, la douceur de ma
touche, la douceur de mon baiser. Nous tiendrons la fin et ne laissons pas va
jusqu'à ce qu'il y a rien qui nous ne fait tient sur plus.

Okay okay, here's the translation, hehe. Mushy ei? I know.

Let me love you. You know it will be alright. Let go of
everything and let yourself feel the warmth of my embrace, the gentleness of my
touch, the sweetness of my kiss. We will hold each other close and not let go
until there is nothing that makes us hold on anymore.


Anyhoot, I miss my friend Jaybee... she's back in Davao right now because it was her Grandma's birthday, she's going to be back on Friday. It's kinda hard to not have my scheming buddy with me. No more laughing about Dobby and Damasow... ranting about everything that pisses us off, talking about the most mundane things like cafe food, boys, accounting, boys, boracay, boys, laziness, kissing, boys, smoking, boys, drinking, boys... and so it goes on and on.

The best part of my monday is right before I go into my 10am class of Sir A, I pass by the tambayan to exchange news with Jaybee and whoever else is there. Then I light my cig and smoke. A few minutes of chatting, then I kill my cig.When it's like 20 minutes after 10am, I drag Lesto to class with me since we're classmates. Ta~da! I am perpetually late! Maybe I should change, it's getting very obvious nowadays...

Summer Love

I fell in-love with Boracay. I fell in-love in Boracay. Wow. Talk about such a good summer man. I had the time of my life, away from the city, away from my family, away from my other friends, away from my pets, away from all the school-related activities... somehow, Boracay changed me. Its laid back atmosphere just blew me away. Sun, sand and fun.

I met someone in Bora, and it was so unexpected. He would never be someone I'd actually go for if I were in Manila. But I don't know what the hell happened. I fell in-love and it just happened. This guy who dreams the way I do, this guy who has the same passion for life like I do, this guy who knows what he wants and goes after it. I guess now that I realize it, he's kind of like me but his situation is different. I fell in love with a man who spun my world out of place. In a good way. I thought we wouldn't last till after Bora but we did... even if we didn't intend it. I fell in-love. I know, I keep repeating it but I fell in-love.

I don't know how it'll go but I'm hoping for the best.

It's your smile that gets me baby

Another day has gone by. I won't deny I am so tempted to text him. Of course, I try to focus o other things. But I am in that state, that state where you perpetually think of other things and when you don't expect it... it hits you. And when it does hit me, I kind of get a bit irritated. And after the initial irritation, I get a little tingle in my stomach. That feeling I get when I realize something important, you know, like missing someone.

Okay, I am all emo this very minute. I totally love Craig David's new song. Oh, and the song Collide by Howie Day. I just love the line: I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind.

Enough songs!

I just want to say that I miss texting him and that I'm a bit disappointed that he hasn't even texted me. Why expect in the first place? Because I am stupid. Hahaha. I want to make him realize that he misses me. And I sure do hope he does realize it. Rawr. Painful.

I'm starting to think that I am risking the wrong things.

Maybe with H it would have been great.
With R maybe it just wasn't the right time.
And B simply would have been great but it wouldn't have stability.

I finally let my feelings go with R and it wasn't as I expected.
With H, I held my feelings, and now what? What if he was the one I should have held on to?

Man. Better yet just keep going on with life. Am I sounding bitter? No. I'd just rather be careful. Very careful. I'll lie low a bit and see what happens. Maybe it will put things in perspective.

What do I like about him again?
His humor. His smile. The way he lets his unlit cig hang from his mouth which makes him look funny. The way he laughs (he sounds a bit high). That face he gives me when he disagrees. The way he says "Really?". Oh my gawd.

What the hell?

Why?

I don't know. I REALLY don't know.

Dencio's Sisig

Last night, over some beer, marlboro lights and sisig (and my bud Lester's order which is called pansit ligaya, which we call pansit Happiness) and the said pansit at Dencio's in Metrowalk... we talked about our loves. How could we not be in a such a senti mood, all the songs playing just screamed SENTIMENTAL!

Anyway, since I last wrote.. I mentioned there was a guy I wanted to kiss... well, I already did!
Omigod!

The only feeling I had after was like... I don't know but I was so happy. It's like I couldn't believe it actually happened!

Then it happened the a 2nd time again.

Then a 3rd.

But by the 3rd kiss I felt a bit silly. Nothing was really progressing so I asked point blank.
Well, I got an answer alright. We're friends and there's a little attraction. But he's still kissing me back.

So now, I dont' want to kiss him anymore. But we will still be friends. We will still hang-out and drink and smoke. But as friends only.

I'm just a bit sad that I was mistaken.
I was thinking I could get him. But apparently, I didn't get him enough.
Crap talaga.

I thought everything would fall into place!
And it didn't.
Now I'm confused. I know I can treat him as a friend. But I don't know what I will do with what I feel. Because if I close it up and forget it, it's final. No more. But I'm afraid if I do that, it'd all be a waste. And yes, I thought I was in-love with him. But I realized a few days after that I wasn't but I do have feelings. I don't know what to feel anymore.

Sometimes I ask myself why don't I just go on with life, don't bother with guys...
but when I do that, someone just comes along. And I have no expectations. And then something happens. When it does, I can't stop myself. Well either I stop myself to early or to late.

I risked it. I made a compromise. And I feel so stupid for doing something like that. I mean I finally compromise and it doesn't turn out the way I hoped it would.

At least I don't regret kissing him. Because when I kissed him, it felt so nice. So did the 2nd and 3rd kiss. I haven't felt like that for a long time. That feeling. Even if I try to describe it... words won't be enough.

So I guess I'm just going to lie low for awhile. And never kiss him again. If I do then I've probably gone crazy already. I guess that's what I'll do then, keep myself sane enough. Although I will miss kissing him.

Do you know how it feels?

I think I'm going berserk! I'm feeling something for someone. More like I think I'm falling. And he doesn't really need to do anything much because I'm smitten. I'm smitten! When I think about him I can't help but smile and want to kiss his red lips. The best I could actually do was pinch both his cheeks and silently say to myself, damn, I want to kiss you.

What the hell is he doing to make me feel this way? Whaaat? Maybe it's the way he smiles and grins. The way he laughs. The way he tries to pretend he's innocent when he's trying to play a joke on me. The way his presence can make me feel like I'm eating a hundred hershey bars.

When we talk, it seems I can tell him anything without being judged. I can share the things I want to achieve. I can tell him the very simple things that fascinate me no matter how shallow it is. With him, I'm not afraid to be me. I'm not afraid of making mistakes. I'm not afraid of admitting that I'm so clueless at times. I'm not afraid of doing what I want.

It's all about feeling free when I'm around him.

I wish I knew exactly how he felt. I mean sure, I know atleast he likes me a bit. But that's all. And for some strange reason, I do wish that I knew how he felt and at the same time it's kind of okay that thing's aren't progressing as fast as the pace of city life.

Gawsh. Am I forgetting that I can be as stubborn and unfeeling as a rock when it comes to believing that someone has feelings for me. Even if he shows that he cares, does sweet things for me, but if he doesn't say it out bluntly that he likes me, I will not assume anything. Sure I'll think maybe he likes me but to put a deeper meaning to it is something I wouldn't do.

Sometimes I am tempted to fish out details from friends but I try to restrain myself.
I' m kind of afraid that if I find out that he does like me, then it's like putting the cherry on top of the ice cream. All of a sudden I might just wake up and realize that I'm inlove with him and there's nothing I can do about it.

Okay I am so way ahead of myself. I am "secretly" hoping that I am once again right.

Thoughts from those days

Why is it? Why does it happen? Everytime a love song that was given to me by my ex-boyfriend plays, I am transported back in time to those days.

Those days when I wasn't single.
Those days when someone greeted me every single morning with an I love you.
Those days when he'd pick me up from school and we'd watch a movie and stay out 'til it was late.
Those days when starbucks wasn't just coffee, it was venti caramel macchiato racing, drink it like you would in a beer bong minus the alcohol.
Those days when no matter how awful I looked, he simply smiled and kissed my insecurities away. Those days when we held hands even while he was driving.
Those days when kissing seemed to be such a natural way of expression for everything I felt for him.
Those days when just his voice would already make my day.
Those days when goodbye meant only being apart temporarily.
Those days when we'd watch the stars in the sky twinkle and imagine they were ours.
Those days when japanese food wasn't japanese food without him ordering tempura, 2 orders of tuna sashimi and special fried rice.
Those days when romance by ralph lauren for men and women were our perfumes.
Those days when the red traffic light meant it was kissing time in between traffic.
Those days when I knew I always had someone who would take me home and tuck me into bed if I got wasted.
Those days when the sunset meant forever and growing old with each other.
Those days when the mushiest love letters seemed so normal.
Those days when my life was like a fairytale.
Those days when I had the man I could imagine the future with.

Those days.

Not that I'm not over him. It's just that when I hear those songs I remember what we had. This is not the sound of bitterness or regret. It is just me, remembering. You can't help but remember because those days, if ever anybody can say they've had those days, were special. And they will always be remembered that way.

Even if I do find someone else... it doesn't hurt to remember that there was someone who once made you feel so special. And if this person who comes along gives me those days once again, then I know that I've found the person. I've found him again.